I can’t believe David has been gone for five weeks and two days. I am safe sleeping on my sister's couch! My baby sister and her husband are buying their first home, so right after Christmas, we will be moving. I am so excited for them, but I can’t help think we won’t be in the house where David visited anymore. I miss him so much. I am reading a book by Kim Murdock titled “Feeling Left Behind.” It is helping me grieve, which is a never-ending roller coaster of emotion. My friends on TikTok keep me laughing when I feel like dying. I know moving will help me as it will be a fresh start. I put on David's 2x Florida Gators hoddie today, and I felt how much weight I have lost. Sometimes I can't eat for nausea. I am not a drinker, but I feel the need for some Jack Daniels. I have gone to the storage building once, and I had a major anxiety attack. Death sucks, and you have to take the emotions as they come, or you will never work through them. I love you all - Tina
Tonight I talked to myself. I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?” Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”! I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?. I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything. The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me. I was crying and feeling very sad. I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.