Skip to main content

We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do.

Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it.

Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep.

Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending.
However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again.

Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.  I am still healing, and at times the only music I need are songs of strength!  I don’t like feeling weak or sad all the time.  My heart is damaged, and I need time to repair the collateral damage.

The million-dollar question came flowing from David’s lips.  Why?  That is when I decided that our every thought or feeling doesn’t have to be shared.   I know this is strange coming from me because I feel talking is a straight path to healing.  However, I think it is quite healthy to have a part of yourself that is between you and God.  There are times when it is too painful to explain the ”why.”

In 2020 many people are unpredictable and fickle when it comes to relationships.  They can move in and out of relationships like someone changing the oil in a car.  Don’t judge yourself or punish yourself if you can’t do things that way.  You're not always going to understand your own emotions, but they are preciously your own.  It is perfectly fine to take time to absorb your thoughts and process them before you share them with someone else.  Also, if you're in a new relationship, it is crucial to get to know someone before you give them full access to destroy you!

Final thought: Having relationships built on mutual love and respect is far more valuable than anything in the world.



Comments

Most Popular

Beauty in the chaos

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo

My Reality

TennCare called today and requested a new PAE, and it got me to thinking about my daily needs. On social media, I tend to be very positive and encouraging or funny because I know how depressing being disabled can be, especially during the quarantine. I wonder if people see my social media and get the wrong impression of my reality?  Do they know that I published my autobiography and assume that I make money from book sales?  Do they see the videos I post, and assume that I don’t need help with everyday life? The cold hard truth is I need help every day with everything I do! I have grown used to people assuming things because I am capable of putting on a smile at a moment's notice.  As a trauma survivor, the ability to put on a fake smile becomes apart of your personality.  As a mother who had to fight to keep her daughter, I learned to shut my mouth and obey the system. I want to use this blog to make it clear that I need help with the necessary daily tasks.  I forget to ea