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Anxiety & Changes

Does anyone else hate change even when you’re happy about the change?

I’m trying to sit here and not let my anxiety explode because I’m pleased to be moving bedrooms again.  I will have more space.  Why do I get like this anytime something changes?  As a child, I had a blanket that my mom gave me that used to belong to my parents.  I used it until it had holes in it because I grew such an attachment to the fact that it used to belong to my mom and dad.  My daughter is the complete opposite because she does not hold a devotion to much of anything, so we butt heads when it comes to my desire to keep everything my grandma owned.  I have given so much away over the years, donated things, and had yard sales that I feel like I don’t have much left, and what I do have means something.

Enough about me.  If you're struggling with change, know that you're not alone. I have come up with a few tricks to help me.  Go to YouTube and watch a few episodes of Hoarders.  Then make yourself a cup of coffee and let go of the things that annoy you to clean!  Always remember that natural disasters and fires take many people's homes every day, so something as simple as a little knickknack could bring someone else tons of joy!  It helps me when I think that someone else is going to enjoy what I’m going to give away.  I have a cedar chest filled with all my memories at no one allowed to touch.  Always have one thing that’s off-limits to the OCD person in your life.  It will help you to feel safe and keep down arguments.


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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

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Beauty in the chaos

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo