I never use the word hate, but today it was precisely the word I needed to make it clear to someone about my feelings towards a specific person. After looking it up in Webster's, I feel it was adequate! After a breakup there are seven levels of grief ~ (1) Desperate for Answers (2) Denial (3) Bargaining (4) Relapse (5) Anger (6) Initial Acceptance (7) Redirected Hope. It can be even more painful if it was unexpected. I have been through all of them! It has been hard, but I am ok. I didn't die, and my life didn't end. I now have peace. I never want to talk to him or see him ever again. I did nothing to deserve the way in which he handled the entire situation. So yes, I hate him. Do I wish him ill will? No. I figure God will handle it because God knows the heart. You will be able to read all about it in my next book, so I don't want to give too much details on my blog. In a nutshell I talked to him for almost two years, and then we had a private moment and he instantly regretted it. I responded completely different than I thought I would. Then a few days later he told me he loved me and then a few weeks later he left me.
Tonight I talked to myself. I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?” Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”! I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?. I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything. The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me. I was crying and feeling very sad. I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anythi...
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