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2020

Happy New Year!  It is here!  2020 and I can’t sleep.  I had a fantastic appointment with Doctor Miller, but I got terrible news from my lab work.  It looks like I am having kidney issues.  By this afternoon, my legs were shaking, and I was in tears thinking about the past year!

Then, I remembered I needed to take my shot and daily medication.  Everything came to a head today.  The rolling thoughts and anxiety are so painful.   I have to treat physical pain and depression.  If I don’t, then I get seriously suicidal to the point I feel unworthy of living anymore.

The flu hit our family a week ago, and I pray it’s over soon.  We had Jackson at the ER tonight, which breaks my heart to see him sick.

Much Love - Tina

Here is my picture from 2019.


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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anythi...

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Engaged

  You read it right!  I am engaged!  Patrick Flatt is my fiancĂ©!  Life has changed so much since Christmas.  I have never been so in love and felt so much love from any man.  Patrick is the mostly loving and kind man that I have ever known.  Well except for my grandpa Phil and it would be impossible to completely match my grandpa!  We have set a date for September 20, 2026.  I pray we will be able to get married in the church my great grandparents (Stevens) started years ago in Monterey, Tennessee.  I could write all day about the unselfish love Patrick shows me, but you really have to meet him.  Well I am off to spend more time with the grandchildren. Much Love, Tina Louise