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In love

October 15th, I got up and felt amazing so I decided to take advantage of my “good day”.  The Autumn colors were brilliant as I drove through the back roads of Kentucky.  After 309 miles I was greeted by my love in his driveway with a big hug.  I was finally in his loving arms.  Two days just wasn't enough and I can't wait til he moves to Tennessee!  I love you Richard!! :)

Positive Outlook

I absolutely love being a grandma!  Today I was blessed to have all three of my youngest daughters babies!  Things are still uncertain between me and my daughter but she seems to have chilled out some.  There is still so much to work through but I am staying right here until she makes me leave.  I am willing to work through anything but boundaries have to be respected.   Much Love Tina Louise 

Grandma got Fired

  Can a grandma be fired?  Well, I was told today that because my dog peed and pooed in her kennel that I was being replaced.  Well, she said I will know by Friday if she got a new babysitter.  I come here and sleep in a closet on a twin mattress 4-5 days a week and charge her nothing but gas!  However, there is someone out there who can do better.  Have you met my daughter?  She expects perfection!  Life is too short to be remembered for having a spotless home.  What about living life?  Is it not normal for an animal to use the restroom in their kennel when they have been trained to do so????? Wtf I don’t even know how to process the last month of my life.  I have been put down, yelled at, and slowly beaten down into an empty shell.   Goodnight my friends Much Love Tina Louise 

Whore

  I spent two days at home and headed back to Crossville to babysit for my daughter.  As soon as she got home she was picking apart how I put laundry in the washer, then it was how I was tending to the baby.  She says she doesn't know why I can't come here and act like a normal mom.  (I have multiple sclerosis)  She wants me to help with chores.  She said me being here is putting too much stress on her too.   My head was spinning as I seen the roses I got to put by David’s urn were on my dresser!  Then I noticed David’s pillow was missing.  I left David's pillow here and she shoved it under the bed!  She said I didn’t ask to put anything by her “father’s” urn and it’s her house so I have to ask before I do anything! That’s when things got ugly.  She called me a whore and said everyone knows it.  I get called a whore because I dated.  She brought up a man I had been talking to also.  I got called a whore because I have hope in the future.  Because I would do anything to make

It's October

David has been gone for two years now.  I commemorated this with a six-pack and some pineapple delta 8.  The last two days are foggy, but I got through them!  Some folks might judge me but I sat alone at home all weekend.  No one called to check on me except for Richard.   He lost his wife so I feel like he really understands what I am going through!  Longmire was one of Dave’s favorite shows so I binge-watched it too. I find comfort in having his favorite things around me when I am grieving.   Love you  Tina Louise

Home sweet home

I am back home in the mountains.  I collapsed when I got into my apartment.  Lucky for me I have friends here in Wartburg.  David unloaded my car and Jerry made sure I had hot coffee.  I have been in tears for hours since the loneliness set in.  I’m telling you that this kind of loneliness cannot be fixed with friends or family!  The yearning to want to embrace someone who loves me is agonizing.  I don’t have a person anymore and while I will survive and live a content life, this pain is slowly killing me.  I wish I had more positive words but tonight I am longing for something more than sex, and much more than friendship.   Much Love  Tina Louise 

What defines me

I used to believe that I had to be in a relationship and have that status of belonging to someone.  That analogy took me to some dark places over the last two years.  I didn't think I mattered without a “grandpa”.  There was a time when one of my grandchildren even asked me if I had found a “new grandpa”.  David left some big shoes to fill but let us face it....no one could ever fill his shoes!  He was irreplaceable!  He left his legacy in the children we raised and every time I see one of the grandchildren I see his spirit.  So where does that leave me?  I can't replace David or fill this dark hole.  Now I have to face that he is never coming back. It took me two years and a good friend to face my reality and now maybe the healing can begin. Every step I take alone hurts like hell, but I now have two years of experience under my belt!  Always remember none of us grieve the same so be easy with yourself. Much Love Tina Louise

Priorities

Richard read my blog today and said I didn't seem to have my priorities straight.  He said I wasn't alone because I have an abundance of family and friends.  That is partly true, but I have to say that in two years I can count on my hand the number of families who have come to visit.  Teresa is the only friend to make the trip and honestly, it has shown me who my friends are in this world.  I spent 30+ years running the roads for my friends.  My son and youngest daughter are the only ones to visit me from my family.  I hear all the excuses about gas prices and how they work and I don't, but I worked for years!  I wore out vehicles helping folks, so what is one visit to Wartburg?  Anyway, I am not upset because I have grown to enjoy my solitude.  The loneliness I speak about comes when you roll over to touch someone in the middle of the night and it is void! I am craving the affection and love of a God-fearing, strong, man.  Is that wrong?  Is it so wrong to want to be a wi

Good Morning Good Night

I must tell you that I never thought I would be content alone.  I was convinced I needed a man to survive.  In 2020, my love of 22 years passed away and my life was a total mess.  I was in panic mode because I didn't think I could survive on my own.  I have been on my own for two years and now I have a stable life.  My health is still a yo-yo but for the most part, it is manageable.   I will admit I stay depressed and lonely.  I no longer get the Good Morning text and the sweet text goodnight.  I stopped dating after Jeffrey passed away then I met Richard.  I fell in love with him but that didn’t work out.  Richard lives too far away and we both have family obligations.   Right now I am brokenhearted so the days of the family gossip about who I am dating are OVER!  I gave it all I had and most single men just don’t have their shit together enough to have a relationship!  I spent all this time growing and changing my life that I learned a hard reality.  I don’t “need a man”.  Howeve

July 2022

Good evening readers.  I apologize for my absence but my health has not been so good.  My depression is also taking its toll on me.  I really think it has to do with the heat and cabin fever but winter will be here soon.  I am blessed with a beautiful family, but I live so far away that I rarely see them anymore.  When I am able, I make a trip to Cookeville once a month.  If you ever want to meet for coffee while I am in town send me a message.  I pray all is well with you!  Remember to never give up on yourself!   Much Love,  Tina

It's a beautiful morning

  I have a beautiful new granddaughter!  Alexandria and the baby are doing good!  I got to visit with them on Sunday and it was amazing.  I did cry a little thinking how David would adore our new granddaughter, and I told Peyton about her grandpa!   I took my nieces and nephews to the lake yesterday which was a big deal for me!  It was the first time I drove out of town with kids in my vehicle in years!  Multiple Sclerosis has taken so much from me and slowly I am getting it back.  We had a great time too.  I stopped to get them slushies (thank you Jeffrey)  and Austin took them for boat rides.  I got to see Kai, Ellie and Elijah play while I held my new grandson Kane.  Austin cooked for over 30 people.  I was super excited to see Lisa and George too!   Saturday I had a beautiful breakfast date with my friend Shaun and after work today I will head back home to see my friends in Wartburg.  I sure miss Jerry, Jan, and David.  I know Hannah is missing them too.   I love you guys  Have a b

Assholes 101

The loving boy I once met at the skating rink is now a cold disrespectful man.  I seem to keep running into men who have no idea how to treat a woman.  Last night I was called ignorant because I agree with some of President Trump's politics then the guy broke up with me because we are too different.  When I asked why he didn't say something before well he brought up my disability.  He said he knew my health could get worse and he couldn't bear to watch me get sicker.  I do pray he never gets sick...karma is a bitch for shallow people.   Thank God for my loving Sister who lives down the road so I had a haven just minutes after the ordeal.  I blocked him on everything as I pulled out of his apartment complex.  I was warned about dating Dax Bush, but I thought I knew him.....Now I see he is a cold-hearted asshole who uses women to get what he wants then he tosses them away with lame excuses!   Well guys I am off to spend time with the family! Love you bunches Tina 

Hello May 2022

Wow so much has happened just in the last two weeks. My insurance disenrolled me from Choices so I no longer have a caregiver.  I am free to come and go as I please now.  I just spent a week visiting my new grandson and my sister!  I even got to visit with my momma.  Currently, I am at the beginning of an MS crash so I am resting at my boyfriend's house in Cookeville.  Yes, I said I have a boyfriend.  I will tell you more about him later, but for now, I am enjoying the privacy.  Alexandria is due with baby Peyton soon so I will be busy for six weeks at her house. I'm still grieving for David but I think I see the future with a more positive outlook.  I am not as angry as I used to be, nor is the depression as dark.  I have to run! Talk to you guys later  Love you all  Tina 

March 21, 2022

It has been months since I sat in front of a computer.  Writers block is real and I have had a double dose.   I had Covid-19 again.  I am still struggling with the lingering depression, cough and wheezing.  When I breath it sounds so funny like a little mini whistle.  I was also recently diagnosed with severe sleep apnea so Friday they are delivering my CPAP machine.   I am sad to report that Nicolas died suddenly at home in February.  I have been beside myself.  He was only 40 years old.  It really hits home when someone your age passes away.  I know he will be missed by his family whom he loved dearly.    On a positive note the App Phlokk is in beta testing and I am excited for everyone who has endured the bullies on TikTok.   I will write more tomorrow, but for now I pray you have a blessed evening.   Much Love,  Tina

Wedding Bells

Today my son is going to marry a good woman.  Lauren has become the heart of the family.  Her love is beyond anything I could have ever hoped for my son!  I have a new daughter and beautiful addition to my family.  I feel truly blessed today!   Much Love  Tina

Thanksgiving 2021

Good  Morning and Happy Thanksgiving.  I am here in Cookeville visiting my family.  We had our dinner yesterday because my sister had to work today.  I have had so much fun with my nieces and nephews, so I should be happy and thankful...right?  I am sad to report that I am depressed.  I miss David so much and I know he would want me to be happy, but I want to run home and lock out the world.  I hate for people to see me cry especially when they are having a good time.   Well, I have to cheer up because my son is getting married on December 1, 2021, to an amazing young woman who has become a daughter to me.  It will be another reminder that I am alone but my niece offered to be my plus one and she is so excited.   On the dating scene, I am about to give up.  I have spoken to more men than I ever wanted to and the dates have been horrible.  I have a story to write about it, but it just keeps getting worse.  I fell in love with Nicolas but he couldn't or wouldn't reciprocate my fe

Loneliness

I haven’t written much lately because I’ve been dealing with some pretty dark feelings.  October 7 was a year since we lost David and I made the trip with his ashes to Hot Springs alone.  People talk about being lonely but this is beyond loneliness.  I feel like part of me is gone forever and I don’t know what to do.  I get up each day and I try, but it never gets easier.   I thought I would update you on my love life because dating is ridiculous in 2021.  Nicholas and I broke up.  Scott aka Kirk came back into my life but he left as quickly as he arrived proving that David was right about him!  Even as a friend he is and will always be a user!   I have been dating some but nothing serious.  I tend to focus most of my time on my grandchildren, and most men are not grandpa material.  Christopher and I remain close friends as he is the best friend a girl could have in this insane world.   Today I got a contract sent to me for my book.  I have been on cloud 1000 all afternoon!  My life is

Redemption

I have to say that I am shocked by Nick’s reaction to my blog.  He was upset and took a 24-hour break from talking to me but then...he talked. That's right. He didn't run. He didn't blame me. He talked and I listened.  I think I may have found a safe place for my heart, mind, body, and soul.  We are dating now which is a new concept for us both.  Freewill can be a beautiful thing.  Monday evening I met him at the same pilot truck stop but this time we exchanged  “I miss you” and “let's not fight anymore”.  Communication is still the key to a healthy relationship.     I am a woman who knows what she wants.  It has taken me awhile to get here, but I am certain it is a man who holds my cherished core values.  I can laugh with Nick and disagree with him.  He isn't spooked.  So next time you want to throw in the towel I suggest you write your significant other a letter.  They might just surprise you!  Much Love Tina Louise

Fades with Time

Looks fade, sexual desire fades but how someone treats you never fades. 

Please Pray for my Daughter & her Family

I have been beside myself with worry since I learned that Ashley, Matthew, Ellie, and Elijah have covid-19.  Then Ashley had an ER visit but they sent her home.  Janna messaged me that Ellie had RSV and Covid so I haven't slept much.  I continue to light candles and pray.  I want to wrap my arms around them and be there when they need a sip of water or a warm blanket.  Yesterday I was sent a picture of Ashley in the ER and I had a total meltdown.  It looked just like the pictures David sent me.  She had on the B-pap which isn't a good sign.  I feel so helpless because there is nothing I can do.  I want to be there and hold her while she sleeps.  I know she is a grown woman but she will always be my baby!!!!  Matthew 17:17 & 18  Then Jesus answered and said, O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him hither to me.  18) And Jesus rebuked the devil, and he departed out of him: and the child was cured from that very

The Break-Up

As a writer, I have always lived by the philosophy that if people wanted you to write warmly about them then they should behave warmly.  However, sometimes writing about my personal experiences can be daunting.  I want to share the good, bad, and ugly with you so you can know the whole story, but some parts of the story are best left unspoken.   Here is my part of the story... I started talking to Nick through Facebook dating on July 25, 2021.  Over the last month I allowed things to flow naturally.  I let him into my life and gave him complete trust and access to my heart.  I let my guard down.  From July 25th to August 25th Nick had all of me.  I refused to let others' past transgressions spill into this new relationship.  We were exchanging "I love you's" and we became intimate within the first week. We were talking about marriage and babies too. I know you're probably thinking we were insane, but everything felt right.  We laughed and had many good conversatio

Bad Day

My first bit of bad news is that I have several projects in the works but I can't afford to publish them.   I had a bad week overall with my health and I broke up with my boyfriend.  We are still talking but it is not the same as it was before I ended it.  Of course, he doesn't feel he did anything wrong, but I remember how it felt being the worried girlfriend at home.  I thought I could handle it but now I know truly how difficult it will be to be alone all the time.  He continues to tell me that he told me his plans that night, but I honestly do not remember him telling me.   I am not trying to be belligerent but hell fire it is hard enough dating a truck driver who is home maybe 30 days a year!  We just started our relationship so I am trying to keep up while handling MS fog.  Yes, I am venting here so do not take anything I say as advice.  Dating in 2021 is hard, not to mention dating after being married for over two decades.  I am not foolish and I do not expect a knight i

18 Wheels & A Dozen Roses

Hey, fans let's just say I didn't let my last dating fiasco keep me down.  I met a man named Nicolas Adair.  I packed my bags, and he took me over the road in his semi.  It was an exciting adventure.  Nick is a tall, dark-headed man with beautiful brown eyes.  To say that I am in love is an understatement.  The man has so much knowledge and can hold his own in any conversation.  We talked for hours and hours about anything and everything.  I got to visit Kentucky, Indiana, and Illinois.  The only downside to being on the truck is not having a toilet exactly when you want one and the bed is a little small.  However, being with Nick out on the open road made me so happy.  His dog Max is a love bug and very protective.   One night while Nick was sleeping I was upfront reading when I looked over to see a driver pouring out something from a large container.  It was one of those times I wish I had not let something catch my eye, because then he flashed his penis at me while asking if

If Your Dating in Tennessee Beware

Ladies I am working on a story about dating, but I had to pause today and write this blog!   I must tell you that if you live in Huntsville, Tennessee please avoid a man named Adam Lee Lambert.  He is on Facebook dating seeking disabled women.  He tells a story about having serious car accidents and cancer.  He claims to have run out of his pain medicine and attempts to guilt you into loaning him some of your medicine until he gets his refill.  DO NOT EVER DO THIS!!  It is a FELONY!  Then out of the blue he will send money to your cash app and claim he bought them from you.  Before you know it he is trying to blackmail you.    I have reported him to the TBI, Tenncare, and his doctor.  I have spoken to the local police in Wartburg.     I always share the good, bad and ugly in my blog post but this is different.  I want to protect women from this awful man.  He has sent me messages on my phone and Facebook threatening to post nude pictures of me on the internet and to tell the police tha

Patience

Relationships are so complicated these days.  I have run into men who want to have sex but don’t want to get to know you.  They want to see your body naked but showing them your mind is off-limits.  It is so frustrating.  Some guys have asked me for nudes while others say it makes you a slut.  Those same men freely send unsolicited dick pictures to women they have never met. Ladies my best advice is to stop giving yourself away to these immature boys.  Love yourself enough to be patient and wait.  There are good men in the world who will protect your heart instead of breaking it.  I am having to take my advice here because since the funeral my philosophy changed.  Until you have an event in your life like death I don’t think you think about it.  Time isn’t running out until it does.  So this week I am learning patience.  I pray all is well with you.  Much Love  Tina Louise

It's June Already???

  The weather is beautiful here in Wartburg and my tomatoes are turning red.  As the winds blow a cool breeze off the hills I met someone unexpectedly and I pray my days of dating are over.  I am going to wait a while before I share him with the world because he is one in a million!  He likes me just the way I am.  Do you know how rare that is these days?  My family is doing good and I even got word that my dad is doing good.  I pray for them daily and hope to see them all soon.   Alexandria let me keep the baby so I have now done everything I used to do with David all by myself.  I sure miss him, this Father's Day was another reminder that he is gone.  We all grow differently and I personally always thought I needed someone to survive but I just needed to find myself.  I didn't need a prince charming.  After being completely on my own I eventually found self-reflection works for me.   I also found good doctors who took the time to find out that I wasn't crazy.  I have disa

Highs & Lows

I had a beautiful time camping with my son and grandson!  I recommend staying at the Rock Creek Campgrounds down by Nemo bridge.   Later on Sunday night, my son told me that my ex and his new wife made an unexpected visit to his music store.  Austin said he left because he has nothing to say to him.  When he was finished talking, I could feel my blood started boiling!   I could not believe that Ashley continues to do things to hurt her family.  She is making friends with the man who molested her and her sister!  She is inviting him to her home and allowing him to be around my grandchildren.  What the fuck is wrong with my child!  It’s one thing to find your biological parent and form a relationship with him, but it’s another thing to kiss the ass of your adoptive father, who is also a pedophile!  She is trying to destroy all her relationships with the people who loved her all of her life. Not only did she accuse me of bashing her head into a coffee table when she was a teenager, but sh

IL MAKIAGE

  Anything I try is not sponsored.  Today I am reviewing the IL MAKIAGE to makeup line.  My eyes are very swollen and itchy after using concealer.  The brush that they sent is no better than the one I can get at the dollar tree, and the eyeliner is a cheaper version of LimeLife.  The foundation is not full coverage, and it looks nothing like the videos I have seen on Facebook.  It also has a weird odor that reminds me of paint—the concealer applicator gets stuck...  I’d much rather go to Walgreens and get Maybelline than pay $72 for IL MAKIAGE.   After two days, I am printing the label and sending it back.  I’m very disappointed in this company because I was so excited when it first arrived.  My reviews are candid, but I always welcome people to try it themselves.   Much Love Tina Louise 

Sweet Tea & Parenting

  I was sitting here having a nice glass of sweet tea when it hit me.  Being a single mom was hard, but the hurt I feel about the absent parents in my life have never been about child support.  No!  I had to do everything on my own.  Money will never undo the pain a mother feels when she looks at her children when they are disappointed.  I mean, there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it because you can’t control the other parent!  It’s unfortunate too because the absent parent goes on about their life expecting someone else to do their job!  Then when you remarry, and your spouse fulfills that role as a stepparent, they get zero respect from the absent parent. I was a stepmom, so not only was I a single mom to my kids I was also a single mom to a stepchild.   If you are going to have unprotected sex, please be prepared to raise your children!  Don't expect the other parent to do it all alone!  I must say I am super proud of my daughter Alexandria because she didn't request

Happy Mother's Day

Hey readers!! I am living a busy life now up here in the mountains. Living with Multiple Sclerosis and living independently is no easy task, but I am thriving! I am so sorry that I forget to update you! I have spent the last 43 days unpacking, exploring, grieving, and falling in love! Remember, you can always check out my social media on Facebook, TikTok, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat. I promise I am finished with my second book, but right now, I don't have much time to promote it.   Today is Mother's Day! I had a fabulous meal with Austin, Lauren, and Alexandria the other night! I also got some much-needed grandma time with Jackson, Kai, and Jeremiah! Christopher enjoyed family time, and the kids were so kind to him.   I can now tell you a little about my Christopher. He has worked the same job for 20 years, and he has never been married or had children. He is also a filmmaker, producer, and photographer. He is probably the nicest man I have ever met, and he has never been