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Good Morning Good Night

I must tell you that I never thought I would be content alone.  I was convinced I needed a man to survive.  In 2020, my love of 22 years passed away and my life was a total mess.  I was in panic mode because I didn't think I could survive on my own.  I have been on my own for two years and now I have a stable life.  My health is still a yo-yo but for the most part, it is manageable.  

I will admit I stay depressed and lonely.  I no longer get the Good Morning text and the sweet text goodnight.  I stopped dating after Jeffrey passed away then I met Richard.  I fell in love with him but that didn’t work out.  Richard lives too far away and we both have family obligations.  

Right now I am brokenhearted so the days of the family gossip about who I am dating are OVER!  I gave it all I had and most single men just don’t have their shit together enough to have a relationship!  I spent all this time growing and changing my life that I learned a hard reality.  I don’t “need a man”.  However, it would be nice to have morning coffee with someone again.  I hadn’t lost hope, but now I feel that I am destined to be alone.  Keep me in your prayers.  I fear the next year is going to be the hardest.  

Much Love
Tina Louise 


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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

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Beauty in the chaos

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo