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What defines me


I used to believe that I had to be in a relationship and have that status of belonging to someone.  That analogy took me to some dark places over the last two years.  I didn't think I mattered without a “grandpa”.  There was a time when one of my grandchildren even asked me if I had found a “new grandpa”.  David left some big shoes to fill but let us face it....no one could ever fill his shoes!  He was irreplaceable!  He left his legacy in the children we raised and every time I see one of the grandchildren I see his spirit.  So where does that leave me?  I can't replace David or fill this dark hole.  Now I have to face that he is never coming back. It took me two years and a good friend to face my reality and now maybe the healing can begin. Every step I take alone hurts like hell, but I now have two years of experience under my belt!  Always remember none of us grieve the same so be easy with yourself.

Much Love

Tina Louise

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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anythi...

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Engaged

  You read it right!  I am engaged!  Patrick Flatt is my fiancĂ©!  Life has changed so much since Christmas.  I have never been so in love and felt so much love from any man.  Patrick is the mostly loving and kind man that I have ever known.  Well except for my grandpa Phil and it would be impossible to completely match my grandpa!  We have set a date for September 20, 2026.  I pray we will be able to get married in the church my great grandparents (Stevens) started years ago in Monterey, Tennessee.  I could write all day about the unselfish love Patrick shows me, but you really have to meet him.  Well I am off to spend more time with the grandchildren. Much Love, Tina Louise