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What defines me

I used to believe that I had to be in a relationship and have that status of belonging to someone.  That analogy took me to some dark places over the last two years.  I didn't think I mattered without a “grandpa”.  There was a time when one of my grandchildren even asked me if I had found a “new grandpa”.  David left some big shoes to fill but let us face one could ever fill his shoes!  He was irreplaceable!  He left his legacy in the children we raised and every time I see one of the grandchildren I see his spirit.  So where does that leave me?  I can't replace David or fill this dark hole.  Now I have to face that he is never coming back. It took me two years and a good friend to face my reality and now maybe the healing can begin. Every step I take alone hurts like hell, but I now have two years of experience under my belt!  Always remember none of us grieve the same so be easy with yourself.

Much Love

Tina Louise


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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

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Beauty in the chaos

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo