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Hold my Pencil and Watch this…

 


I am so fucking sick of being the nice one!  Even when I wrote my autobiography I was nice.  I could have made folk's eyes bleed, but I didn't.  I choose to be the better person!  

I am sick of taking the blame for the bastards who hurt my daughters!  I was left to pick up the pieces of their broken souls!  Plus I worked three jobs and remained the constant in their lives, when others jumped ship!  I did the very best I could!  I made mistakes because I'm not fucking perfect! Now when I need my daughters they hate me.  Now I am the evil villain.  No more!  

I’m not staying around for this bullshit.  I am not the family punching bag!  I damn sure ain’t gonna move back closer to it.  I did my job I raised my kids, and now that David- is gone, I see no reason for me to stick around!  I have no desire to be trash-talked and blamed for my daughter's bad life decisions!  

What about my son?  He helped me move and gave me a job when I needed to earn extra money.  I love my son, and he doesn't shut me out.  He he has a family of his own and he works hard.  My son and his wife are awesome!  I figured anywhere I move they will come to visit when they can.  

Well those are my thoughts for today.  I hope you all have a Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

Much Love

Tina Louise 

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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

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Beauty in the chaos

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo