Sitting in my Chair

Last night I went on my very first official date.   The man asked me to go to dinner, handed me flowers at the beginning of the date, and gave me a soft kiss good night after a great evening!   All the simple things that mean so much I never got to experience them without an expectation of sex.  Child Abuse robs you of almost everything.  It is like you almost become a robot and you go through life doing like you know you have to do to survive.  well last night I got to live in the moment and it was so nicee!   Men don’t properly date women much anymore, but I made my mama promise that this time things were going to be different!   Back to the date :)  We went to Grinder House, and I ordered my favorite coffee.  We had dinner, and the music was excellent. It was a special treat just to hear live music!   After 2020 I didn't think we would ever get to go to concerts again.  The Band “Towne” was something out of the Bluebird or the Op...

I have spent my days crying and praying.  All my thoughts and feelings have been racing.  I had searched my soul.  I was determined to wait for Scott.  I wasn’t going to give up on him.  I wrote him letters only for him to block all avenues of communication.  Empathy made me blind.  My heart and brain are finally in sync!  I see that no matter what I say or do, Scott isn’t the man God meant to love me.  When you love someone the way I loved Scott and David, it can be so painful to let go.  You want to see the man they can be, and you highlight the positives while ignoring the negative.  **** the days of being cheated on!  I am worth more, and I finally see that.  I am not talking bad about David because he has paid for his sins, but the scars he left hurt me for years.   My fairytale is coming true but with a real prince.   I have met someone.  I am keeping our relationship all to myself for as long as I can...

Being alone gives your mind so much time to wonder.  Today was hard because I met David 23 years ago today.   On Facebook, I wrote this “ Life is so short.  Other than a few close family and friends, life seems so meaningless to me now.  I find myself turning to tell him something, and he isn’t there.  I even went to text him a picture of Jackson being cute, and it hit me.  I often ask myself, “what now?”.  My person is gone.  That is the ugly side of grief that hurts the most.  It is instant loneliness.  It is as though the writer abruptly ended the book without finishing the story.  In one single second, my entire life changed forever.  Don’t take your loved ones for granted.  You never know what tomorrow may bring!” If you have been following my story, then you know 2020 was the worst year of my life.  2019 was the runner up!  It is 2:06 in the morning, and I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.  I ...