Being alone gives your mind so much time to wonder. Today was hard because I met David 23 years ago today.
On Facebook, I wrote this “ Life is so short. Other than a few close family and friends, life seems so meaningless to me now. I find myself turning to tell him something, and he isn’t there. I even went to text him a picture of Jackson being cute, and it hit me. I often ask myself, “what now?”. My person is gone. That is the ugly side of grief that hurts the most. It is instant loneliness. It is as though the writer abruptly ended the book without finishing the story. In one single second, my entire life changed forever. Don’t take your loved ones for granted. You never know what tomorrow may bring!”
If you have been following my story, then you know 2020 was the worst year of my life. 2019 was the runner up! It is 2:06 in the morning, and I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I want to love someone and to be loved because I am lonely. I know how to be a daughter, sister, wife, momma, auntie, and grandma, but I don’t know how to be single. God has shown me that there is a reason you have Ex’s, so I am not going into the past to fill this emptiness. So I reckon it is time to move forward. I understand the storms of my life much better now except for this one. I will never say life could be worse anymore because this is my worst!
I continue to read books on grief, but mine and Dave’s story is so unique. We were divorced when he passed away, so I can't call myself a widow. My daughter says I can and his obituary says I was his wife, but his death certificate list me as his fiancé. We had been married and divorced twice, and we're going to get married a third time on my birthday. Well, I have rambled on enough for tonight.
Love you all
Tina
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