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New Beginnings

I have spent my days crying and praying.  All my thoughts and feelings have been racing.  I had searched my soul.  I was determined to wait for Scott.  I wasn’t going to give up on him.  I wrote him letters only for him to block all avenues of communication.  Empathy made me blind.  My heart and brain are finally in sync!  I see that no matter what I say or do, Scott isn’t the man God meant to love me.  When you love someone the way I loved Scott and David, it can be so painful to let go.  You want to see the man they can be, and you highlight the positives while ignoring the negative.  **** the days of being cheated on!  I am worth more, and I finally see that.  I am not talking bad about David because he has paid for his sins, but the scars he left hurt me for years.  

My fairytale is coming true but with a real prince.  

I have met someone.  I am keeping our relationship all to myself for as long as I can.  I wasn’t looking for anything when he walked into my life.  We are going on our first date soon.  He asked me out on a bona fided date!  He is respectful and so loving to me.  I have honestly never experienced this type of relationship.  He likes me just the way I am.  He doesn’t want to change me, but most of all, he gets me.  

Like I have always said.  Never give up on yourself or happiness!  Sometimes you have to dig through the rocks to find a diamond.  


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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

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Beauty in the chaos

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo