Skip to main content

It's June Already???

 


The weather is beautiful here in Wartburg and my tomatoes are turning red.  As the winds blow a cool breeze off the hills I met someone unexpectedly and I pray my days of dating are over.  I am going to wait a while before I share him with the world because he is one in a million!  He likes me just the way I am.  Do you know how rare that is these days?  My family is doing good and I even got word that my dad is doing good.  I pray for them daily and hope to see them all soon.  

Alexandria let me keep the baby so I have now done everything I used to do with David all by myself.  I sure miss him, this Father's Day was another reminder that he is gone. 

We all grow differently and I personally always thought I needed someone to survive but I just needed to find myself.  I didn't need a prince charming.  After being completely on my own I eventually found self-reflection works for me.  

I also found good doctors who took the time to find out that I wasn't crazy.  I have disabilities and the new one is my thyroid.  I don't handle stress the way most people do.  I lacked the tools (hormones) because of the hysterectomy.  Multiple sclerosis doesn't help which is why my anxiety, pain attacks, and emotions seem all over the place at times.  Therapy helped me to not worry so much about everyone else and turn the focus to myself.  Moving here is exactly what I needed.  

When my year lease is up I might come back to Sparta to retire.  Alexandria wants me with her in Crossville and Austin wants me in Cookeville.  My mom and Janna think I should stay in Wartburg.  Whatever the future holds I know I will be ok.  I have done a lot of forgiving and acceptance because you can't change people or force love.  It has to come naturally or it isn't worth the effort.  

I decided not to put my happiness in someone else's pocket.  Codependency is not healthy.  If I have found that special someone they won't have to fix me.  I am in a good place.  I have had positive influences of support during my journey but I made the decisions to move forward and grow.  Everyone that touches our lives influences us but at the end of the day, we choose what we allow in and what we toss as nonsense. 

Love yours faces!

Tina 


Comments

Most Popular

We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

Beauty in the chaos

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo

My Reality

TennCare called today and requested a new PAE, and it got me to thinking about my daily needs. On social media, I tend to be very positive and encouraging or funny because I know how depressing being disabled can be, especially during the quarantine. I wonder if people see my social media and get the wrong impression of my reality?  Do they know that I published my autobiography and assume that I make money from book sales?  Do they see the videos I post, and assume that I don’t need help with everyday life? The cold hard truth is I need help every day with everything I do! I have grown used to people assuming things because I am capable of putting on a smile at a moment's notice.  As a trauma survivor, the ability to put on a fake smile becomes apart of your personality.  As a mother who had to fight to keep her daughter, I learned to shut my mouth and obey the system. I want to use this blog to make it clear that I need help with the necessary daily tasks.  I forget to ea