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Q & A

I have gotten many questions over the years about my disabilities.  I wrote about them in my autobiography, but I think it’s time to do a recap.

My mother said I was sick many times as a child.  I endured years of child abuse and rape; it wasn't until my pregnancy with Ashley at age 17 that Hidradenitis Suppurativa would show it’s ugly head.  By age 24, I had three beautiful children and Cervical Cancer, so I underwent a Radical Hysterectomy.  My health problems seem to unravel from that moment forward, and they haven't taken a break.  Not even for one year.  I am 42 years old, and I must take injections and pills just to get an ounce of relief from the pain.  There are days I want to die, but I look at my grandchildren and give it a good faith attempt at this thing we call life.

For more information on childhood trauma, please visit the following website.

CHILDHOOD TRAUMA 

My body is a cemetery of scars, and I get asked if I am contagious and why do I take antibiotics.
NO!  Nothing I have is contagious.

If you are serious about learning more about my disabilities, please visit the below websites.

HIDRADENITIS SUPPURATIVA 
MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS 
DEPRESSION 
PTSD
GENERALIZED ANXIETY DISORDER & PANIC DISORDER 
GRANULOMA ANNULARE 
EMPTY SELLA SYNDROME 
HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE 
VITAMIN D DEFICIENCY  
TACHYCARDIA 
NEUROGENIC BLADDER
DERCUM DISEASE 
STAGE 3 CHRONIC KIDNEY DISEASE 

I am always open to discussions about my health problems, but I have severe brain fog from the Multiple Sclerosis.  Therefore, I find it useful to keep a list of my health problems, medications, and doctors with me at all times.  I recommend anyone with disabilities always have these in your wallet or purse.  


Alexandria brought home a beautiful Bull today.  Jackson loves him.  


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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

Beauty in the chaos

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo

My Reality

TennCare called today and requested a new PAE, and it got me to thinking about my daily needs. On social media, I tend to be very positive and encouraging or funny because I know how depressing being disabled can be, especially during the quarantine. I wonder if people see my social media and get the wrong impression of my reality?  Do they know that I published my autobiography and assume that I make money from book sales?  Do they see the videos I post, and assume that I don’t need help with everyday life? The cold hard truth is I need help every day with everything I do! I have grown used to people assuming things because I am capable of putting on a smile at a moment's notice.  As a trauma survivor, the ability to put on a fake smile becomes apart of your personality.  As a mother who had to fight to keep her daughter, I learned to shut my mouth and obey the system. I want to use this blog to make it clear that I need help with the necessary daily tasks.  I forget to ea