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Update

 



I went to court, and the judge awarded Ashley the Order of Protection.  He also informed her that she has no control over what I post on social media especially pictures of my grandchildren.  She might hate me and desire to be cruel to me, but she can not take away the fact I am her mother, and I am Grandma!  She can't Erase the past eleven years.  I have been a grandma since 2010 when Brayden was born.  She can't erase all the diapers I have changed, bottles I fed, hugs and kisses I gave, or the love in my heart!  She can't win the love from her biological father by doing his dirty work!

Tuesday morning was terrible, but my son took me to lunch and offered me a part-time job. I was beaming with joy! I worked yesterday, and it was as though I never left.  The intense pressure from my dad was absent, and I had zero anxiety!  I got a call from Adult Services because someone made a report on my daughters.  Now I gave a caseworker who is getting me into an apartment.  I will be moving soon, and due to the circumstances, no one will know where I live.  I filed a complaint with the Board of Judicial Conduct because the judge ignored evidence and did not call my witness.  He ignored the fact that Ashley perjured herself and could not provide proof of her statements.  I never tried to pick my grandson up from school, and she knew I was living with Janna.  

Ashley lied and labeled me as a child abuser.  There will never be any going back from doing that to me.  As a survivor, it was like taking a gun and shooting me.  However, I now have a massive support system in my family and through my social worker.  I refuse to argue and fight with my daughters, but I also refuse to let them walk all over me.  I love them enough to let them hate me!  I love them from a safe distance.  

I also got the disheartening news that the new law about the Statute of Limitations is not retroactive, so my dad and step-uncle will never go to jail or even be charged with the crimes.  Here is a copy of the police report.  Much Love - Tina Louise 




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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

Beauty in the chaos

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo

My Reality

TennCare called today and requested a new PAE, and it got me to thinking about my daily needs. On social media, I tend to be very positive and encouraging or funny because I know how depressing being disabled can be, especially during the quarantine. I wonder if people see my social media and get the wrong impression of my reality?  Do they know that I published my autobiography and assume that I make money from book sales?  Do they see the videos I post, and assume that I don’t need help with everyday life? The cold hard truth is I need help every day with everything I do! I have grown used to people assuming things because I am capable of putting on a smile at a moment's notice.  As a trauma survivor, the ability to put on a fake smile becomes apart of your personality.  As a mother who had to fight to keep her daughter, I learned to shut my mouth and obey the system. I want to use this blog to make it clear that I need help with the necessary daily tasks.  I forget to ea