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Highs & Lows

I had a beautiful time camping with my son and grandson!  I recommend staying at the Rock Creek Campgrounds down by Nemo bridge.  

Later on Sunday night, my son told me that my ex and his new wife made an unexpected visit to his music store.  Austin said he left because he has nothing to say to him.  When he was finished talking, I could feel my blood started boiling!   I could not believe that Ashley continues to do things to hurt her family.  She is making friends with the man who molested her and her sister!  She is inviting him to her home and allowing him to be around my grandchildren.  What the fuck is wrong with my child!  It’s one thing to find your biological parent and form a relationship with him, but it’s another thing to kiss the ass of your adoptive father, who is also a pedophile!  She is trying to destroy all her relationships with the people who loved her all of her life.

Not only did she accuse me of bashing her head into a coffee table when she was a teenager, but she is also now saying that I coerced her when she told me about Joshua molesting her when we lived at the duplex in Sevierville!  Ashley is pulling out every gun in her arsenal to hurt me in every way humanly possible.  I will never know the truth about Joshua Maples, but I refuse to let it consume me anymore.  I moved away to be free of the past.  I am no longer the pivotal punching bag for things other people did!  

Despite what my children’s fathers have done over the years, I have stayed planted firmly in my children's lives!  I love my children, and they mean more to me than anything else in the world.  I didn’t ask for my health problems, but I have suffered through them for my kids, and I won’t let anybody take that away from me!  As a survivor, I could never lie on someone, especially about sex abuse. 

Ashley continues to prevaricate with little regard for anyone else.  After reviewing the video from February 13, 2021, I am convinced that it is jealousy and attention-seeking.  She said I never paid attention to her and was always worried about Alexandria.  If I am guilty of anything, it is loving too much and not setting boundaries with my child.  Now I am taking the blowback from her Fathers mistakes.  

Advice to my readers: Never want a father so bad that you feel the need to destroy the other parent to prove your love for them.  Don’t sacrifice your healthy relationships for someone who just showed up to the party.  


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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

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Beauty in the chaos

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo