Sitting in my Chair

October 15th, I got up and felt amazing so I decided to take advantage of my “good day”.  The Autumn colors were brilliant as I drove through the back roads of Kentucky.  After 309 miles I was greeted by my love in his driveway with a big hug.  I was finally in his loving arms.  Two days just wasn't enough and I can't wait til he moves to Tennessee!  I love you Richard!! :)

I absolutely love being a grandma!  Today I was blessed to have all three of my youngest daughters babies!  Things are still uncertain between me and my daughter but she seems to have chilled out some.  There is still so much to work through but I am staying right here until she makes me leave.  I am willing to work through anything but boundaries have to be respected.   Much Love Tina Louise 

  Can a grandma be fired?  Well, I was told today that because my dog peed and pooed in her kennel that I was being replaced.  Well, she said I will know by Friday if she got a new babysitter.  I come here and sleep in a closet on a twin mattress 4-5 days a week and charge her nothing but gas!  However, there is someone out there who can do better.  Have you met my daughter?  She expects perfection!  Life is too short to be remembered for having a spotless home.  What about living life?  Is it not normal for an animal to use the restroom in their kennel when they have been trained to do so????? Wtf I don’t even know how to process the last month of my life.  I have been put down, yelled at, and slowly beaten down into an empty shell.   Goodnight my friends Much Love Tina Louise 

  I spent two days at home and headed back to Crossville to babysit for my daughter.  As soon as she got home she was picking apart how I put laundry in the washer, then it was how I was tending to the baby.  She says she doesn't know why I can't come here and act like a normal mom.  (I have multiple sclerosis)  She wants me to help with chores.  She said me being here is putting too much stress on her too.   My head was spinning as I seen the roses I got to put by David’s urn were on my dresser!  Then I noticed David’s pillow was missing.  I left David's pillow here and she shoved it under the bed!  She said I didn’t ask to put anything by her “father’s” urn and it’s her house so I have to ask before I do anything! That’s when things got ugly.  She called me a whore and said everyone knows it.  I get called a whore because I dated.  She brought up a man I had been talking to also.  I got called a whore because I have...

David has been gone for two years now.  I commemorated this with a six-pack and some pineapple delta 8.  The last two days are foggy, but I got through them!  Some folks might judge me but I sat alone at home all weekend.  No one called to check on me except for Richard.   He lost his wife so I feel like he really understands what I am going through!  Longmire was one of Dave’s favorite shows so I binge-watched it too. I find comfort in having his favorite things around me when I am grieving.   Love you  Tina Louise

I am back home in the mountains.  I collapsed when I got into my apartment.  Lucky for me I have friends here in Wartburg.  David unloaded my car and Jerry made sure I had hot coffee.  I have been in tears for hours since the loneliness set in.  I’m telling you that this kind of loneliness cannot be fixed with friends or family!  The yearning to want to embrace someone who loves me is agonizing.  I don’t have a person anymore and while I will survive and live a content life, this pain is slowly killing me.  I wish I had more positive words but tonight I am longing for something more than sex, and much more than friendship.   Much Love  Tina Louise