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Bad Day

My first bit of bad news is that I have several projects in the works but I can't afford to publish them.  

I had a bad week overall with my health and I broke up with my boyfriend.  We are still talking but it is not the same as it was before I ended it.  Of course, he doesn't feel he did anything wrong, but I remember how it felt being the worried girlfriend at home.  I thought I could handle it but now I know truly how difficult it will be to be alone all the time.  He continues to tell me that he told me his plans that night, but I honestly do not remember him telling me.  

I am not trying to be belligerent but hell fire it is hard enough dating a truck driver who is home maybe 30 days a year!  We just started our relationship so I am trying to keep up while handling MS fog. 

Yes, I am venting here so do not take anything I say as advice.  Dating in 2021 is hard, not to mention dating after being married for over two decades.  I am not foolish and I do not expect a knight in shining armor to come riding in to sweep me off to the castle, but maybe he could answer my phone calls!!  Are my expectations too high?  I  don't know, but I know I am doing fine on my own, so I ain't worrying about it anymore.  

Well folks it is time for bed.

Much Love

Tina Louise 

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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

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Beauty in the chaos

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo