Endings and Beginnings

Since I was a teenager, I have been educated to the ins and outs of child custody and divorce. I am 42 years old, and I have four divorces under my belt. However, today I felt deep sadness when my baby girl handed me her final divorce papers. I never wanted my children to experience divorce! They had been through enough of it growing up. Not only do I feel like a failure as a wife, but also as a mom. I feel like I didn’t equip them with the tools they needed to find a faithful spouse or the tools they would need to weather the storms. I know it isn’t my fault, but the guilt still creeps in when these things happen to your children.

My mother, sister, and I talked about how we felt tremendous failure during and after our divorces. I do pray my daughter doesn’t feel like a failure because she tried many times to make it work. Sometimes it is the only way out of a toxic situation. My son filed his last week, so it is a double whammy this year.

It isn’t just in my family, either. I have several friends getting divorced this year. Maybe it's the financial stress or the quarantine? Between the upcoming elections and family stress, I feel like the entire world needs a vacation!

Me? Well, I am going to shut off all electronics and play with my grandson. He loves my dinosaur growl! I suggest this for anyone fighting depression.

Much Love,

Tina

Comments

We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself. I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?” Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”! I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?. I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything. The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me. I was crying and feeling very sad. I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

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Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary. It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos. Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing. You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic. I didn't see any mask. Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo

Sitting in my Chair

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