Sitting in my Chair

    Wow, it's been a few months!  I sure have missed my readers.  Life is really good right now.  Bob and I are friends and I am doing well.  The kids and grandchildren are doing awesome except for Austin.  He grounded a big hole in his hand today 😕   Poor guy got hit in the back end on 1-40 a few weeks ago but everything seems to be ok now. The music store is doing great too!  I am blessed beyond measure.  My new nickname is Lou and I love it!   Love your faces,  Lou

  2021 “I want the pain to stop so bad.     It is the emotional pain, flashbacks, racing thoughts that have been getting me since the funeral.     Some people use drugs or drink, but sex has always been my vice, and it has been years since it was a problem.”     I want so badly to just open up and tell you every little detail about my dating horrors of the last three years, but two of the men have passed away.  Therefore, out of respect for their families, I will not go into detail about them.  I don't want to use my experiences to hurt anyone.  A few of the men I have dated have become great friends.  I just blocked a man who didn't even know me but decided it was a good idea to tell me that I have nice boobs.  I want to scream at the insanity.   I always try to see the best in anyone I meet, but it gets harder and harder these days. Let us go back to where it all started.  David passed away on 10/7/2020.  I was a hot mess and completely out of control.  I was living with our

  Well hello.  I know it's been a while but I spent two months in Cookeville! I just became a grandma again to a beautiful baby boy named Koen!  Thanksgiving and Christmas were wonderful.  However with all this fun comes the painful consequences.  I had a bad MS relapse and died on December 27, 2023.  Lucky for me I wasn't alone at Walmart and the ambulance was already in the parking lot.  I have missed blogging and all the wonderful conversations on social media.  I hope you get back into the swing of things soon.  I manage to work one day a month at the music store but the trips to Cookeville have become more difficult.  I miss my family more than anything.   Love you all Tina Louise 

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 My dear friend and neighbor is in the hospital.  I am requesting prayers from my readers this week.  Jann is wonderful person!  My neighbor Jerry helps so much around here and he was excited to see his beautiful friend yesterday.  It's the little things that make me happy so seeing my friends smile made my day. Update on my health:  I have awful pain in my right jaw from the TMJ and left hip from the Osteoporosis.  I am managing the Multiple Sclerosis the best I can.  I still have numbness in the feet and pain in my spine.  If I do too much in a day I pay for it and have to spend a few days in bed.  My right knee still gets stuck when getting out of the car.  I am still taking the Copaxone for my MS.  I have had a few breakouts from the Hidradenitis Suppurativa on my bottom but they are healing up nicely.  I am still on the Cosentyx for the HS.  I started Ozempic for weight loss this week and it is working.  The nausea is aggravating but I don’t get hungry like I used to anymore.

I find myself questioning my decisions over the last week.  I know I had every right to be angry but did I go too far?  Only time will tell but it still doesn't erase the memories.  It doesn't change my feelings.  In the end, I am a loving person who doesn't judge people based on their past.  I am hurt by the lies!  

  This is a warning to all women. Do background checks on these men before you even give out your number!   This man is not who he says he is so use caution when dating on Facebook Dating!  Christopher Edward Haddox went to prison in Tennessee for theft in 2006.  He was recently let go from his job at Harley Davidson.  From what I can tell he is homeless and staying in hotels.  He travels to North Carolina once a month to fill his Xanax prescription.  He is also on of Buprenorphine / Naloxone Brand name: Suboxone.  He must have been a pill Addict at one point.  He was not in the Marines like he claimed to be either!. He  has one child in Canada.  He has a Suspended License too.  I don’t know what his end game was or why he was going to marry me.  It is weird for sure.  He lied about everything.  His criminal history dates back to the ’90s.  

  It has been a busy month.  Can you believe Kane is one now?  Time seems to fly by these days.  I finally did some self-care (hair, nails & toes) the I ordered myself a new tshirt for Summer.  It is a Yale bulldogs shirt with  a little bulldog:) #gilmoregirls  I think maybe when it comes to dating I am burned out.  The mindless conversation only to realize you’re not compatible is a waste of time.  It chips away at my tolerance.   Well, I’m off to bed dear readers.  I hope you have a blessed Easter!   Much Love, Tina Louise

  It's been a minute since I wrote.  Life has been so busy.  The grandchildren are growing like weeds and I have been doing some growing myself.  God always knows what's right for you, but I still believe sometimes he allows you to learn a lesson!  Richard and I are no longer together.  I don't think of it as wasting nine months of my life...no it was a learning experience.  I am a more patient person and I love myself even more.    

  My baby girl texted today!!  I get to visit my grandchildren next week!  I am so excited.  I also will be getting my new glasses soon so I can travel more.  The eye visit was awesome and my insurance covered everything.  It’s 80 miles round trip to visit her and 120 miles round trip to see my son, and sister.  I know what you’re thinking and yes they should make the trip because of my health.  However, it does me good to get out of this apartment on my good days.  I keep praying for my good days but they seem to get fever and fever with this whiplash weather here in Tennessee.   Well I will see you guys on Phlokk soon as the app is in pre launch!  Although for now you can see me on TikTok!   Much Love Tina Louise

  It was a beautiful morning here in Morgan County.  I'm not doing so well.  I haven't heard from my daughters in months so I haven't seen my grandchildren.  The whole situation is tearing me apart, but I have to accept it so I don’t do something stupid.  I feel like I died with David sometimes.  I am also fighting Covid for the 4th time.  On the upside, I have food, clothing and shelter.  Richard and I are back together and we are stronger now that we worked through our problems together.  We both lost our spouses during the pandemic so neither one of us are complete anymore, but we have love for one another.  I happen to believe love covers a multitude of sins.  My MS seems to be in remission, and my other health problems come and go.  I did spend two weeks in Cookeville recently at my sisters.  It’s been over a year since anyone came to visit me here.  I am sure there are about ten people getting a laugh from my sorrows, but in time God will win the war.  I pray all is w

  Well, I had a good morning visit from my mom and Aunt Patsy.  It was nice getting hugs and visiting with family who love me!   My afternoon however turned sour.  I had and episode this morning where I bent over to place a towel on the floor.  Something in my backbone hurt as I bent back up.  I had to go sit down instead of taking a shower.  Then my vision blurred.  Immediately after my mom left I called the eye doctor and made an appointment for Monday.    Then, I got a call from Richard.   At this point, I was scared but felt safe.  I told Richard what happened and he immediately went into a doom and gloom rant. After listening to him for 10 minutes I hung up in tears. He said he took care of his late wife and didn't want to be responsible for me. He started talking about if this was to happen hypothetically on a trip, what would I do?  I said, I guess I would ask for a wheelchair because most airports are handicap accessible, and they normally have wheelchairs.  He then went

Words can not express the love so felt today when Jackson and Jeremiah ran into say hello with big hugs and smiles!  I will admit I cried when they left.  Those two boys can take away a mountain of sadness!   Overall today was a awesome day.  I took all my vitamins, my injection, and my medicine. Then I ate and took a nice long shower.  I am really coming to love the protein shake every day.   This morning I got to witness my sister be a mom and a teacher as the kids moaned and groaned about homeschooling.  She sure has her hands full but she is doing it none the less!   I pray 2023 is a better year for all of us!  Much Love Tina Louise

  Yesterday I got to visit with baby Kane, Lauren and Austin.  It was a very nice visit.  I got to read a few stories to Kane before I headed back to my sisters.  We had chili baked potatoes for dinner and I went to bed early.  Richard upset me again so I just blocked him on everything.  I need a break from his negativity.  I will be in Cookeville for a few weeks.  If you want to have coffee just shoot me a message!   Much Love Tina Louise 

  We are fixing to ring in 2023 and I am feeling much better today!  I couldn’t sleep last night so I left out and headed to Cookeville this morning around 4am.  My baby sister was up making coffee so we chatted before she left for work. After I got settled I hung out with the kids most of the day.  Pre-teens sure have all the latest family gossip.  They also don’t care to share their view point on my daughter calling me Tina instead of momma.  Apparently it is very disrespectful.  I couldn’t agree more but it doesn’t surprise me.   This afternoon I went live on TikTok this evening and chatted with friends.   Richard and I have never stopped speaking.  We are going into our seventh month of knowing each other.  I love him more today than ever before.  He has truly become my best friend.   Happy New Years  Much Love Tina Louise 

 

  Merry Christmas to all my readers!  I am alone this year because of my health.  Not being able to drive has been a real bummer!  I sure miss my family right now.  Earlier tonight I fixed a sweet potato and watched a movie.  I’m blessed to be alive and have wonderful friends in my life.  I have learned so much this year about being truly independent while battling Multiple Sclerosis.  Just when I thought I would break, God gave me the strength to keep going.  I pray all is well with you.  You can still email me if you need to talk.  I am a good listener and I understand the heartaches of this holiday season alone. I love you all very much. Merry Christmas  Tina Louise 

  I turned 45 yesterday and it was an awesome day!  It all started on Wednesday with a trip to the salon.  I got my hair cut, dipped nails, pedicure and eyebrows waxed!  Then I saw the chiropractor for my daily pop.  Yesterday started at midnight when Richard Videochatted me to wish me Happy Birthday.  I fell back asleep and woke up to a sweet message from my loving daughter in law Lauren.  Then I had hot coffee, and a biscuit from Hardee’s.   After that I went to town and picked up my birthday cake.  Throughout the day I got loving messages from friends on Facebook and text from my momma, sister and Brittany.  Jerry and Jan bought be a Keurig for my birthday/Christmas so I had snickers coffee with my chocolate cake!  My day ended with a beautiful FaceTime call from Kane and a phone call from my son!  I feel so blessed and loved!   Merry Christmas  Much Love Tina Louise 

  I am so fucking sick of being the nice one!  Even when I wrote my autobiography I was nice.  I could have made folk's eyes bleed, but I didn't.  I choose to be the better person!   I am sick of taking the blame for the bastards who hurt my daughters!  I was left to pick up the pieces of their broken souls!  Plus I worked three jobs and remained the constant in their lives, when others jumped ship!  I did the very best I could!  I made mistakes because I'm not fucking perfect! Now when I need my daughters they hate me.  Now I am the evil villain.  No more!   I’m not staying around for this bullshit.  I am not the family punching bag!  I damn sure ain’t gonna move back closer to it.  I did my job I raised my kids, and now that David- is gone, I see no reason for me to stick around!  I have no desire to be trash-talked and blamed for my daughter's bad life decisions!   What about my son?  He helped me move and gave me a job when I needed to earn extra money.  I love my s

I don’t understand what’s going on with my daughters or why I can’t see my grandchildren.  For the last two years, I have been so lonely.  Losing David sent me into a very dark place, but what happened afterward lead me to this very moment.   Have you ever grieved someone who is that still alive?  Every day I grieve my daughters, and their children.  They are alive and well, but they have no time for me.  My son works so much that’s it’s been a year since he came to visit.  I can’t drive long distances anymore so I can’t drive to them, plus gas is ridiculous. It’s just me and Hannah all alone.  I have tried to find love, and I’ve given several men the opportunity to have a relationship with me.  However, I think I must be unlovable.  It seems most men just want is sex.  Jeffrey was the exception but he also passed away.  I’ve actually lost two boyfriends, one to Covid and one to a heart attack.  I feel like a being punished, and I don’t know what I did.   I have done everything not to

  After 5 months I broke things off with Richard.  He is a good friend and nice guy but not so good at dating.  I won't go into details but this was the healthiest choice I could make for myself right now.  We live five hours from one another and I learned that I hate long-distance relationships. Anyway enough about that.   The picture is my Christmas tree this year.  I want to give a special shout out to my neighbors David, Jerry and Vivian for picking it up at the tree farm and helping me decorate my beautiful tree.  It means so much to me!   Life has calmed down so much since the doctor put me on bed rest.  I was forced to take care of myself and not worry about the rest of the world.  I did spend Thanksgiving away from my family but my neighbors enjoyed my cooking.  I made my first turkey by myself and it was wonderful!  My kids didn't even call me, but my mom, sister and grandson called on Facetime.  Jackson made my day with his surprise call!!!!  It's the little thing

October 15th, I got up and felt amazing so I decided to take advantage of my “good day”.  The Autumn colors were brilliant as I drove through the back roads of Kentucky.  After 309 miles I was greeted by my love in his driveway with a big hug.  I was finally in his loving arms.  Two days just wasn't enough and I can't wait til he moves to Tennessee!  I love you Richard!! :)

I absolutely love being a grandma!  Today I was blessed to have all three of my youngest daughters babies!  Things are still uncertain between me and my daughter but she seems to have chilled out some.  There is still so much to work through but I am staying right here until she makes me leave.  I am willing to work through anything but boundaries have to be respected.   Much Love Tina Louise 

  Can a grandma be fired?  Well, I was told today that because my dog peed and pooed in her kennel that I was being replaced.  Well, she said I will know by Friday if she got a new babysitter.  I come here and sleep in a closet on a twin mattress 4-5 days a week and charge her nothing but gas!  However, there is someone out there who can do better.  Have you met my daughter?  She expects perfection!  Life is too short to be remembered for having a spotless home.  What about living life?  Is it not normal for an animal to use the restroom in their kennel when they have been trained to do so????? Wtf I don’t even know how to process the last month of my life.  I have been put down, yelled at, and slowly beaten down into an empty shell.   Goodnight my friends Much Love Tina Louise 

  I spent two days at home and headed back to Crossville to babysit for my daughter.  As soon as she got home she was picking apart how I put laundry in the washer, then it was how I was tending to the baby.  She says she doesn't know why I can't come here and act like a normal mom.  (I have multiple sclerosis)  She wants me to help with chores.  She said me being here is putting too much stress on her too.   My head was spinning as I seen the roses I got to put by David’s urn were on my dresser!  Then I noticed David’s pillow was missing.  I left David's pillow here and she shoved it under the bed!  She said I didn’t ask to put anything by her “father’s” urn and it’s her house so I have to ask before I do anything! That’s when things got ugly.  She called me a whore and said everyone knows it.  I get called a whore because I dated.  She brought up a man I had been talking to also.  I got called a whore because I have hope in the future.  Because I would do anything to make

David has been gone for two years now.  I commemorated this with a six-pack and some pineapple delta 8.  The last two days are foggy, but I got through them!  Some folks might judge me but I sat alone at home all weekend.  No one called to check on me except for Richard.   He lost his wife so I feel like he really understands what I am going through!  Longmire was one of Dave’s favorite shows so I binge-watched it too. I find comfort in having his favorite things around me when I am grieving.   Love you  Tina Louise

I am back home in the mountains.  I collapsed when I got into my apartment.  Lucky for me I have friends here in Wartburg.  David unloaded my car and Jerry made sure I had hot coffee.  I have been in tears for hours since the loneliness set in.  I’m telling you that this kind of loneliness cannot be fixed with friends or family!  The yearning to want to embrace someone who loves me is agonizing.  I don’t have a person anymore and while I will survive and live a content life, this pain is slowly killing me.  I wish I had more positive words but tonight I am longing for something more than sex, and much more than friendship.   Much Love  Tina Louise 

I used to believe that I had to be in a relationship and have that status of belonging to someone.  That analogy took me to some dark places over the last two years.  I didn't think I mattered without a “grandpa”.  There was a time when one of my grandchildren even asked me if I had found a “new grandpa”.  David left some big shoes to fill but let us face it....no one could ever fill his shoes!  He was irreplaceable!  He left his legacy in the children we raised and every time I see one of the grandchildren I see his spirit.  So where does that leave me?  I can't replace David or fill this dark hole.  Now I have to face that he is never coming back. It took me two years and a good friend to face my reality and now maybe the healing can begin. Every step I take alone hurts like hell, but I now have two years of experience under my belt!  Always remember none of us grieve the same so be easy with yourself. Much Love Tina Louise

Richard read my blog today and said I didn't seem to have my priorities straight.  He said I wasn't alone because I have an abundance of family and friends.  That is partly true, but I have to say that in two years I can count on my hand the number of families who have come to visit.  Teresa is the only friend to make the trip and honestly, it has shown me who my friends are in this world.  I spent 30+ years running the roads for my friends.  My son and youngest daughter are the only ones to visit me from my family.  I hear all the excuses about gas prices and how they work and I don't, but I worked for years!  I wore out vehicles helping folks, so what is one visit to Wartburg?  Anyway, I am not upset because I have grown to enjoy my solitude.  The loneliness I speak about comes when you roll over to touch someone in the middle of the night and it is void! I am craving the affection and love of a God-fearing, strong, man.  Is that wrong?  Is it so wrong to want to be a wi

I must tell you that I never thought I would be content alone.  I was convinced I needed a man to survive.  In 2020, my love of 22 years passed away and my life was a total mess.  I was in panic mode because I didn't think I could survive on my own.  I have been on my own for two years and now I have a stable life.  My health is still a yo-yo but for the most part, it is manageable.   I will admit I stay depressed and lonely.  I no longer get the Good Morning text and the sweet text goodnight.  I stopped dating after Jeffrey passed away then I met Richard.  I fell in love with him but that didn’t work out.  Richard lives too far away and we both have family obligations.   Right now I am brokenhearted so the days of the family gossip about who I am dating are OVER!  I gave it all I had and most single men just don’t have their shit together enough to have a relationship!  I spent all this time growing and changing my life that I learned a hard reality.  I don’t “need a man”.  Howeve