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Mental Health is Important

Good Morning readers.  I will be busy this week helping my daughter with college tasks.  I promise I am almost finished with my next book.  I know I was going to have it completed by December and then May, but life keeps getting in the way.  Living with disabilities is like riding a rollercoaster every day.  I continue to talk to people via social media while I am lying in bed.  Lately, I even find it hard to keep up with my blog.  When I work on the book, it requires that I get up and lately that that been almost impossible.

Yesterday I had my mental health appointment, and it went very well.  My doctor seemed pleased that I stood up for myself with Ashley instead of turning it inward, leading to more depression.  I love all of my children, but I am going to keep a safe distance from the drama right now.  Imagine me sitting in a room being yelled at and reminded of all my mistakes in my life.  That is what Ashley does to me.  I know I am not perfect, but I own my mistakes!  I do not need to be reminded of them every time we visit.  I wrote a book about them and took responsibility for them.  I can not change the past, but I can move forward.

If you ask if she does the same to the man who abandoned her and refused to be a father for over 20 years, the answer would be NO.  He has convinced her that any mistake he made was my fault.  I am the evil in his version of the story.  I used to say, "I am not God, Brian, you have to make your own decisions"!  However, he would still find a way to blame me.  Now that I am not in the picture, I do wonder what his excuse will be when he lies to our daughter?

While writing this blog, I found out my granddaughter was bitten in the face by the dog that was given to Ashley by her biological father.  Ashley didn’t even bother to call me.  Ellie is ok, but her little face now has stitches.

Well, I am going to get off of here and help Pickle.  I love you, bunches.

Love~Laughter~Truth

Tina


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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

Beauty in the chaos

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo

My Reality

TennCare called today and requested a new PAE, and it got me to thinking about my daily needs. On social media, I tend to be very positive and encouraging or funny because I know how depressing being disabled can be, especially during the quarantine. I wonder if people see my social media and get the wrong impression of my reality?  Do they know that I published my autobiography and assume that I make money from book sales?  Do they see the videos I post, and assume that I don’t need help with everyday life? The cold hard truth is I need help every day with everything I do! I have grown used to people assuming things because I am capable of putting on a smile at a moment's notice.  As a trauma survivor, the ability to put on a fake smile becomes apart of your personality.  As a mother who had to fight to keep her daughter, I learned to shut my mouth and obey the system. I want to use this blog to make it clear that I need help with the necessary daily tasks.  I forget to ea