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So Confused

Today was like any other day, but I got a text from Janna that she is coming to get me Sunday to visit Ellie and Elijah.  Of course, I want to go, but I am confused.  Why do I have to go to my sisters to visit my grandchildren?  Why wasn’t David invited?  So many questions that I usually wouldn’t ask, but the more I grow, the less I tolerate irrational behavior in my life.  I don’t know why she has kept my grandchildren away from me for almost six months.  I don’t know why she told me in an email that I would never see them again.  Should I ignore it all and just enjoy a visit with my grandchildren?  I probably will because I miss them so much, but it is very confusing to me that she told my sister “baby steps” today.  I have never hurt my grandchildren, and anytime she attempts to argue, I walk away or leave the situation, so my grandchildren don’t have to see folks fight.

Maybe one day I will understand what’s going on with my daughter, but for now, I am giving it to God.  He knows what’s best for me, and I dare not question him any more.      

Speaking of David, he went to see doctor Todd today in Byrdstown, and his doctor told him that he has progressive neuropathy.  So the doctor added medication and ordered a ton of tests.  He has to go back in two weeks.  He got a letter from Social Security today, and it says they will notify him in writing 75 days before his hearing.  I am sure his lawyer is on top of everything, but the government sure takes their sweet time helping the disabled.  It doesn’t shock me anymore, because I hear horror stories every day about how the disabled get treated.

On the upside of life, my new grandson is perfect, and Alexandria is healing from all the blood taps.  Her head and back have been awful.

My mom came to visit yesterday!  We had the best time talking and laughing at memories of when my children were little.  It’s hard to believe that she is a great-grandma.


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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

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Beauty in the chaos

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo