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Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day.  It’s is 9:08, and we are on our way to Cookeville.  I will now be seeing Justin at Dr. Copeland's office.  Today he will be looking at my lipomas in my arm.  It has been years since I had an in-office procedure, but I do not want to be put to sleep anymore.  Since I learned that I have kidney disease, I have been cautious about what I put in my body, which includes medication.  I often tell myself to be easy with myself.  More than ever, I feel self-love is so important.  From the way we talk to ourselves to how we treat our bodies.  It is absolutely crucial that we show ourselves some love because this ole world is harsh.

There is something on my mind this morning.  It has been two days since I deleted social media from my devices. It has given me time to think, and I have concluded that I will not be wasting my time, money, or energy on ungrateful people anymore.  Where is this coming from, you might ask?  My soon to be ex-son-in-law is one of those people who expect you to answer the phone the minute he calls or texts, but getting a response from him is optional.  It’s the lack of respect versus expectation that annoys me.

On a side note, Ashley threatened to get a restraining order if I ever contacted her again.  I have zero clues as to what I did to make her angry now, but I give up trying to figure her out.  She called me crying, begging for help when the kids were sick.  Of course, we ran down there to help.  Ashley was so sweet and loving while David and I cleaned her house, did her laundry, and babysit the children while she and Matthew worked.  However, once she did not need us, she is back to hating us again.

I know Ashley sounds crazy, but I have learned to love her from a distance.  I also stopped answering the phone for anyone except Alex, Austin, Janna, My mom, and my doctors.  The rest of the low life users can pretend they don’t know me 24/7.  I am no longer a convenience.  It takes some work, but it is easy to change your phone number, iCloud, email, and residence before anyone notices.  Deleting social media is simple too.  I no longer delete my account or my content, but my friend's list is tiny.  I have done it a few times in my life.   One day they are stressing you out and the next day total silence because you put a stop to it.

Well, I am done with my appointment, and I will be having the lipomas removed next Friday at 10:00 am.  Janna and Mike took us to lunch at Panda Garden, and it was Yummy! We had chicken on a stick and Chinese donuts.  Jackson didn't eat much, but Charlie is a growing teenage boy, so he is a healthy eater. Alexandria has to work all weekend, so we are headed home to chill with little man.  I think it is beautiful outside, but we honestly need snow.  This rain has been depressing even for the happiest of people.

Here are some pictures of the gorgeous views from Bee Rock in Monterey, Tennessee.  The B & B here is not inviting, but the views are lovely.  We stopped at the bakery for some jalapeño bread and some of the best chocolate chip cookies I’ve ever tasted.  I am thinking more and more about buying a house in Monterey.





My beautiful daughter came in with a new squishy and chocolate shark for Jackson and roses for me.  I feel pretty special right now.  It has been a beautiful day, and David made dinner for everyone.  #blessed

  

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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

Beauty in the chaos

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo

My Reality

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