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Good Morning

It’s 12:32 am, and I can’t sleep.  My thoughts are all over the place, and I don’t know if I want to ever be in love again.  The idea is excellent, but to have the real authentic feeling scares me to death.  Love is a big deal to me, and it means so much, but my heart is bruised, so even the thought makes me nauseous.  I am happy in my life right now.  There is no pressure to be anything other than what I am.  I adore being a momma, sister, auntie, and grandma.  I love being a good friend to those who value my friendship.  I have hit the delete, unfollow, and remove follower buttons many times since last Spring.  Getting toxic people out of my life gave me time to recover and grow.  I feel like I am still on a journey, and I don’t know what my future holds.  Right now, I am enjoying my life.  Of course, I still have daily health struggles, but I am away from the negativity, so my mental health continues to improve each day.  Maybe one day...I do hope to fall in love again.


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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

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Beauty in the chaos

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo