It’s 12:32 am, and I can’t sleep. My thoughts are all over the place, and I don’t know if I want to ever be in love again. The idea is excellent, but to have the real authentic feeling scares me to death. Love is a big deal to me, and it means so much, but my heart is bruised, so even the thought makes me nauseous. I am happy in my life right now. There is no pressure to be anything other than what I am. I adore being a momma, sister, auntie, and grandma. I love being a good friend to those who value my friendship. I have hit the delete, unfollow, and remove follower buttons many times since last Spring. Getting toxic people out of my life gave me time to recover and grow. I feel like I am still on a journey, and I don’t know what my future holds. Right now, I am enjoying my life. Of course, I still have daily health struggles, but I am away from the negativity, so my mental health continues to improve each day. Maybe one day...I do hope to fall in love again.
Tonight I talked to myself. I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?” Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”! I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?. I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything. The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me. I was crying and feeling very sad. I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anythi...
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