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New Medication

I tossed and turned all night.  The nephrologist put me on a strong antibiotic and Lasix 20mg BID.  I vomited this morning and then slept for a few hours and took a shower.  I feel better, but I am weak.  Doxycycline makes me so tired, but I have another UTI because my bladder is malfunctioning.    I did some writing this evening.  I also feel like I am still coming down from social media addiction.  Janna had the television news this morning, and it irritated me so much that I went back to bed.  I don't even care about politics anymore.  They are all corrupt, and none of them care about the most vulnerable in America.  Just look around, and you will see how much the average worker struggles to keep food on the table and pay for health insurance.  Maybe one day, our tax dollars will help Americans.  I still obey the laws of the land and pray for our government leaders but they have lost all of my respect.

My happiness came today as I watched my grandson talk about Bigfoot with his grandpa.  His eyes light up when you tell him stories about Bigfoot, Sharks, Animals(especially cows), dinosaurs and tractors.  He came from a long line of farmers and when we pass the John Deere dealership his eyes light up.

Love ~ Laughter ~ Truth

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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

Beauty in the chaos

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo

My Reality

TennCare called today and requested a new PAE, and it got me to thinking about my daily needs. On social media, I tend to be very positive and encouraging or funny because I know how depressing being disabled can be, especially during the quarantine. I wonder if people see my social media and get the wrong impression of my reality?  Do they know that I published my autobiography and assume that I make money from book sales?  Do they see the videos I post, and assume that I don’t need help with everyday life? The cold hard truth is I need help every day with everything I do! I have grown used to people assuming things because I am capable of putting on a smile at a moment's notice.  As a trauma survivor, the ability to put on a fake smile becomes apart of your personality.  As a mother who had to fight to keep her daughter, I learned to shut my mouth and obey the system. I want to use this blog to make it clear that I need help with the necessary daily tasks.  I forget to ea