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Never be Ashamed

Good Morning readers.  Please don't ever let fear, shame or embarrassment keep you from seeking help.  Life is hard, and sometimes the brain can't process all the pain.  I made a mental health referral for myself yesterday, and this morning I got a phone call for an intake appointment in Cookeville.  I can not get through this time in my life alone.  I am grieving the loss of relationship with Scott, my cats, and relationships that ended when my autobiography went public.  In the last year, I have moved six times and been through hell with my health.  I have had several surgeries and medication changes.  I fancy myself a badass, but I need professional help with this chapter of my life.  I appreciate all your love and support through the messages and videos.  Strangers have been so kind to me when I felt my lowest.  I love you all!

#survivorfamily #love_laughter_truth

My little dog Hannah has been super protective today.


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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

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Beauty in the chaos

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo