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Court, Disabilities and Color

Yesterday I had a telephone conference with a Judge over my Choice program.  I qualify for Medicaid and Choices group 3, but a rule to Group 3 is that you must be receiving SSI.  I appealed the decision a few months ago, and the judge will give his decision on May 6, 2020.  Now that I am divorced, and David is disabled, they do not count him as a caregiver.  Alexandria is fixing to have a baby, and she already has a three-year-old toddler, so she will be back to work six weeks after she has Jeremiah.  I stopped receiving the food boxes from mom's meals because the rice had plastic in it, so if the judge doesn’t approve my choices caregiver, then I will be in a predicament.

Yesterday the doctor ordered a CT of David’s brain because it is looking more and more like he has Neuroborreliosis from Lyme Disease.  Diabetes and Lyme Disease were terrible enough, but now Dr. Gaw is talking about Lumbar Puncture.  Dr. Todd took out his PICC line and said this was David’s ”new normal”, but the headaches have been painful.  He is also having significant bone pain.  I do pray they do something to make him more comfortable soon.  I hate seeing him in pain.

Today Brittany came up and colored my hair.  I am pleased with it!  I have a layer of orange and a layer of purple under my dark brown locks.  I have never had bleach or vibrant colors on my hair, so this was a beautiful experience.  Jackson is still visiting his dad, so the house is super quiet.  I am exhausted just from the mental strength it takes to keep up with everything in my life.

The governor is opening Tennessee back up May 1, 2020, but I think the kids are out for the summer.

Well, I am going to hit the hay!

Love your faces!


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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

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Beauty in the chaos

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo