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Planting Seeds

We planted seeds, tomato plants, and other goodies today!  I am excited.

On a side note, I am having reservations about staying in Tennessee now.  I found out today that someone lives 64 miles from me now, and they used to live two states away.  I do wish all my ex’s lived in Texas.

David continues to keep me on this roller coaster of “we might try again” and “I don’t know.”  He will be super sweet then speak to me like he is my dad.  You know that hateful tone with words that make you feel useless and stupid.  I know he is ten years older than me, and he has disabilities, but I just don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who talks to me like I am a child.  I don’t like the name-calling, cursing, or getting yelled at, so I believe we will just remain friends.  David is a good man, and I will never take away from him the years he worked and cared for the children.

If you read my book, then you know the bulk of our relationship, and I have forgiven so much and expected so little.  Over the years, David cooked many meals and cleaned when I was too sick to get out of bed.  He folded hundreds of loads of laundry.  He loves his children and grandchildren.  Our friendship is like no other, but when it comes to romance, we do not click.  When David thinks someone else wants me, he turns on the charm, but when he feels safe, things quickly turn ugly.

I do believe living the rest of my life single might just be the best idea!  Someone else actually purposed marriage to me the other night, and it excites me but terrified me.  I just don’t think I have it in me to plant any more seeds when it comes to men!  I want 1000 yellow daisies, and that just isn't in the cards for me.




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