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MS over stimulation & dining do’s and don’t

This blog is specifically about Multiple Sclerosis.  In my life, it is a daily struggle because I have to remind those this claim to be taking care of me that I can’t hold a hot plate, and I choke easy.  It never fails that I could be sitting in an odd position on the couch, and my grandson could be jumping around, and someone will hand me a full plate of hot food.  Am I ungrateful?  Do I not appreciate the food?  noooooooo. I have specific skills with my disabilities that I have mastered over the years so I can live a semi-normal life.  You would think that those who love me would not continue to ignore these entirely, but they do every day.  They play pretend that I am not sick unless it is convenient, and the disability will humiliate me.  Then my disability is funny.  I have felt this way for years, and I continue to ask them not to do it.  I do not want to be in the spotlight at every family gatherings or function.  Therefore, I continue to master the skills so I can do things as normal as possible while being safe within my limitations.

Tonight we had been playing Rummy with my daughter and her boyfriend when my grandson went wild.  He had been up since 5 am and had his share of Easter candy from his basket (yes, the basket was my fault). However, I peeled and cut up potatoes for David to fry for dinner (which he didn’t want to do), so he burned them.  Then after he cooked dinner, he put a big hot plate of food in my hands while I was wrangling our sleepy/sugar rushed grandson.  I got up and went to my bedroom.  I was overstimulated and plain out mad!

I am sitting alone in my bedroom, and I have calmed down.  I ate, and my grandson is asleep.  I do believe it is time grandma takes her new prescription of Zolpidem so she can fall asleep too!

Love you all

Stay safe my Friends

Tina


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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

Beauty in the chaos

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo

My Reality

TennCare called today and requested a new PAE, and it got me to thinking about my daily needs. On social media, I tend to be very positive and encouraging or funny because I know how depressing being disabled can be, especially during the quarantine. I wonder if people see my social media and get the wrong impression of my reality?  Do they know that I published my autobiography and assume that I make money from book sales?  Do they see the videos I post, and assume that I don’t need help with everyday life? The cold hard truth is I need help every day with everything I do! I have grown used to people assuming things because I am capable of putting on a smile at a moment's notice.  As a trauma survivor, the ability to put on a fake smile becomes apart of your personality.  As a mother who had to fight to keep her daughter, I learned to shut my mouth and obey the system. I want to use this blog to make it clear that I need help with the necessary daily tasks.  I forget to ea