Sitting in my Chair

On May 25, 2020,  an unarmed George  Floyd , an African-American man, age 46, was murdered after arrested on suspicion of passing a counterfeit $20 bill  by the police in Powderhorn,  a neighborhood south of downtown Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States of America .  Floyd was handcuffed and lying face down on a city street during an arrest.  Derek Chauvin, a Caucasian Minneapolis police officer , kept his knee on the right side of Floyd's neck for 8 minutes and 46 seconds; 2 minutes and 53 seconds of which occurred after Floyd became unresponsive, according to the criminal complaint filed against Chauvin.   Officers Tou Thao, J. Alexander Kueng, and Thomas K. Lane participated in Floyd's arrest, with Kueng holding Floyd's back, Lane holding his legs, and Thao looking on as he stood nearby.   All four murders (officers) were arrested as of 6/4/2020. First, I want to say that George's murder was horrific to watch.  There i...

First, I want to apologize if I ever religiously influenced you.  Spiritually I feel I have always been close to God, and I do not believe I ever influence anyone in a bad way on matters of God's love.  I have always felt Jesus died for me, and I gave my life to God many years ago when I was baptized. I do feel I was very wrong if I ever persuaded you to have anything to do with Jehovah’s Witnesses.  I am not only quoting William Bowen, but I have discovered that the JW organization is a pedophile paradise.  I have had the pleasure of talking with Romy Maple and watching hours of news reports.  I also watched the A & E special “Cults and Extreme Beliefs: Jehovah's Witnesses.”  Barbara Anderson and her husband lived and worked for years within the walls of the JW Headquarters.  I have read many lawsuits and complaints filed against men and women of the Jehovah’s Witnesses.   Any doubt that I had about religion has been confirmed. ...

I sure miss my grandpa Phil, but his memory lives on in the love, morals, values, and principles he influenced into my life over the years.  He was a fantastic person and soldier! This weekend has been a roller coaster!  I spent Saturday at my sister's house.  Her kids and I did a sour candy challenge, and you can watch it on the link below. https://youtu.be/43NGqHSrQ5Y I have also had many beautiful conversations with family and friends this weekend.  Even some unexpected messages from loved ones who I thought were mad at me over my autobiography.  I had no idea that they had read my autobiography, or that they remembered things from my childhood.  It always makes me tear up to hear stories of my small cousins witnessing the verbal & physical abuse I endured.  I feel my autobiography might bring healing to people I never considered.  This is also another lesson in assumptions. Today I was told that Alexandria wasn't invited to a f...

Alexandria spent the day nesting and resting.  She has exhausted all internet suggestions of dilation.  So now she is just going to relax until she sees the doctor Tuesday. Janna arrived as usual this morning and she helped me put together the wind chime I painted.  Alexandria had got me a bag of crafts for Mother’s Day so when I need to mix up my daily routine I open the bag to try something new. The little seeds I saved have grown into nice pumpkin seedlings.  David’s tomato’s are doing beautifully too. I uploaded a few videos and chatted with friends but now I am sleepy.  I think it’s time for a nap. I guess I should rest up for tomorrow as we are doing a sour challenge at my sisters.  I sure love doing these things with the kids! Much Love Tina

It’s 4:20 am (hahaha) for real, and I haven’t slept any.  I played on TikTok for a few hours and watched a movie, but I can’t sleep.  I am just now starting to yawn.  So I did Snapchat pictures (hahahahaha) Alexandria is sound asleep, so no baby yet.  I haven’t heard David in hours, the house is dark, silent and my three fans are going!  So why can’t I sleep?  😢 Oh yeah, I have a beautiful broken brain!  Too bad I can’t trade it for a new model.

Today has been a chill day at home.  I gave Alexandria her daily maternity massage, and then Janna helped me get ready for the day.  I love essential oils, and my hands love them too.  I chatted with friends while eating watermelon and listening to music.  If you get a chance to listen to Wildfires by Of Colours, they are fantastic.  My love for music continues to grow. Oh...also check out Alazka and their song Phoenix. Jackson is with his dad for the next four days, and David went fishing.  He doesn’t get much free time when little man is home because Jackson loves his pawpaw!  Alexandria is still in labor.  The doctor did another sweep of her membranes this morning and said she dilated to four, and he said the hospital was wrong.  She is only 50% effaced.  The doctor said Jeremiah was at the door but didn't seem to want to leave his mommy!  I have learned more about labor than I ever thought possible during her pregnancy, and it...

I am wide awake at 12:55 am.  So much is on my mind, but communication is still at the forefront.  It has always been fascinating to me how humans communicate with one another.  We love to watch each other interact on television and videos now more than ever, but we still have significant problems when it comes to relationships.  I find myself screaming at the tv, “just tell them,” when couples play hide and seek with their heart.  I don’t understand why we hold back how we feel when life is so short.  I mean, think about it...we might have 70-100 years on this earth to love, marry, raise children and retire.  I know it might seem like forever when your young, but I am now 42 years old, so I refuse to waste any time playing games or living under assumptions. Not long ago, I had an excruciating face to face conversation with someone I love very much.  I said how I felt from my heart, and he told me how he felt.  I thought I had closure until...

First, I need to say I was wrong in assuming Scott had lied to me. We had a conversation this morning, and I had the incorrect email address.  After our discussion, I started thinking about why we assume anything in life. I try every day to be optimistic, but I am a natural empath.  The State of Tennessee Department of Mental Health trained me to take care of patients confined to a bed with zero verbal skills.  I had to learn the person and know what they needed just by their facial expressions, and body language.  I can often look at someone and understand how they are feeling within seconds.  It can be a bad ability to have because people like their privacy.  Being a human lie detector is not always fun. Now let's add those abilities to years of child abuse and broken relationships where people lied and cheated.  It makes for a hot mess, especially when I love someone.  I yearn to trust someone, and I am optimistic at the beginning of any r...

I can’t sleep.  Alexandria’s labor started, so she has been at the hospital all night with her dad.  She is now back home in bed, trying to rest because the contractions were not moving labor along, and since she is only 37 weeks, they could not break her water.  I didn’t realize that the baby could be down, you could be 90% effaced and having regular contractions and still get sent home.  Insurance companies are crazy these days, making doctors walk a tight rope. Jackson fell asleep with no problem, but I haven’t closed my eyes.  I think instead of a crash landing, I am on a semi upswing due to the unpredictable nature of Multiple Sclerosis.  I never know from one day to the next how I will feel.  Since Sunday, I have been less disabled physically, but my brain has been foggy.  Today for the first time, I had an MS hug, aka vice grip around both my ribs.  I would have to lay down for fifteen minutes before they would ease up.  So I wa...

Janna came up this morning and brought Taco Bell! Then she helped me get ready for the day. I decided to finally turn on my desktop and laptop. It has been months, and I have a book to finish. However, I spent most of the day cleaning up, defragging, virus scanning, and going through files. I went through a ton of files, which included old email accounts and messages. It made me miss the music industry so much. I do enjoy writing, but music has always been my first love. I gave away my guitar during a store promotion, so I haven't held a guitar in over a year. I miss my suppliers and customers so much. Do you think I should go back? Right now, life is too complicated, but it was nice hearing from friends in the industry. Just knowing they have thought about me means so much. Maybe in a few years, if my health allows, I will get back into the business. On a side note, I emailed Scott a question tonight. It was a serious question about the next book, and he had told me I could ...

Today started as usual with a morning wake up from my sister. It's summer, so I have switched to craving ice water instead of coffee and cold fruit instead of warm breakfasts. She brought me my injection, and I opened my pillbox. She was full of energy, so as she was zipping around the house, I brushed my teeth and got dressed. My grandson had stayed the night with his dad, so I didn't have my morning snuggles or dinosaur videos. It was pretty quiet for a Monday morning. Janna and I got in the van and headed to the store. She ran in and got some beautiful flowers and a small motorcycle. I was extremely emotional; we talked all the way to Monterey. I cried, and she listened, and then she spoke, and I listened. I had been holding in so much emotion, and sometimes there are things that you can only share with your sister. We stopped at Dairy Queen for lunch, and it was so good. So many happy memories surrounded my life in Monterey and at the Dairy Queen. I wanted to leave flower...

Today was 💯 compared to yesterday! I got up and felt good and ate a little fruit.  I took my medicine on schedule and went outside with my grandson.  I used the fence to walk the whole back yard, and we stopped to talk to the neighbor's horses.  It didn’t take long, and my drop foot hit, so I sit in my chair watching Jackson play.  We listened to music, and it was so peaceful.   The wind was blowing, and I felt so happy.  Around noon my sister arrived with her children, and not long after, my son, Lauren, and Kai came to visit.  David had set up all the bounce houses and toys, so the kids were having a blast.  We had tons of fun with water play and 280 water balloons.  Alexandria was in a much better mood, and she went to town and brought back pizza for everyone.  Janna and the kids went home plum tuckered out, and I took a nap.  Later, David and Austin ran to town for yummy Mexican food.  We sat that the table and talked, j...