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Escape

For years I made excuses for those I loved.  In the end, I was the only one hurt and forever scared by their decisions.  I mourn the loss of relationships due to differences of opinion over religion.  However, tonight after listening to a fellow warrior, I decided to view things differently.  Instead of grieving the loss and blaming myself, I now see that I escaped a horrible situation.  I am now free of brainwashing and indoctrination! Shunning me because I don’t fit into your spiritual ideology doesn't make you a better person than me.  We are still family, and I still love you no matter how much you treat me like a stranger.  I will still treat you the same way I always have with love and respect.

I love my life now, and despite years of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, I survived, and I have a beautiful family.  Life will never be perfect, but it is a life free of shame, guilt, and abuse.  I can breathe again, and I feel God's love more now than I ever did!  As an American Citizen, I am free, and as a child of God, I am free.  It is the best feeling when you know your choices are made free of manipulation.  You own them, and that is what God gave everyone.  FREEWILL

On to more cheerful topics...Today my shirt arrived from Jammin at Hippie Jacks, and my new medicine came to treat the Hidradenitis Suppurativa.  I take two injections a week for five weeks, then it only once a month.  Also, I got a letter, and after all the stress, the court received the appeal of my Tenncare Choices, and now we wait for another hearing.  The good news is I still have care services while waiting on the hearing.

I hope you have a marvelous day!

Love ~ Laughter ~ Truth

Much Love

Tina






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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

Beauty in the chaos

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo

My Reality

TennCare called today and requested a new PAE, and it got me to thinking about my daily needs. On social media, I tend to be very positive and encouraging or funny because I know how depressing being disabled can be, especially during the quarantine. I wonder if people see my social media and get the wrong impression of my reality?  Do they know that I published my autobiography and assume that I make money from book sales?  Do they see the videos I post, and assume that I don’t need help with everyday life? The cold hard truth is I need help every day with everything I do! I have grown used to people assuming things because I am capable of putting on a smile at a moment's notice.  As a trauma survivor, the ability to put on a fake smile becomes apart of your personality.  As a mother who had to fight to keep her daughter, I learned to shut my mouth and obey the system. I want to use this blog to make it clear that I need help with the necessary daily tasks.  I forget to ea