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Don’t let someone’s ugliness become your new outfit - Tina Milligan 05/13/2020

I wrote the above quote after some deep soul searching this evening.

Over the years, I have allowed other people's behavior to influence my reaction.  I knew the minute the hair stood up on the back of my neck that Tina Louise had left the building.  I was very passionate in my youth and going through surgical menopause, so I didn't put up with much insanity.  I went into defense mode, and all gloves were off, especially if I was protecting my children.

However, after the dust settled, I was left feeling bad about myself.  Friends would tell me that I had a right to stand up for myself, and I know they are right, but I never want to let someone else control the delivery of my response.  I am naturally a peaceful person.  I am happiest when I am in the forest, listening to the water.  Other people’s transgressions will not penetrate my actions anymore!  I owned my failures in my autobiography.  I can't control if or when other people take responsibility for their past bad behavior.

This evening my oldest daughter Ashley sent me horrible emails calling me a narcissist, and she said everyone thought that of me.  She went on to say she and her husband hate me, and I will never see her or my grandchildren ever again.  In the beginning, I tried to defend myself, but then it hit me that instead of allowing her behavior to influence mine that I was going to say how I felt.  I love my daughter, and I will always be here for her no matter what, so while she spewed obscenities, I let her know that I love her, and I am always here.

In the end, we only control ourselves.  What other people say and do is a reflection of themselves.  It is not a reflection of you.  I know it's hard, especially when you have taken responsibility for your poor decisions, but some people need time to catch up and reflect on their behavior.

I pray that you have a marvelous Wednesday!

Much Love

Tina


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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

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Beauty in the chaos

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo