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Memorial Day Weekend

I sure miss my grandpa Phil, but his memory lives on in the love, morals, values, and principles he influenced into my life over the years.  He was a fantastic person and soldier!

This weekend has been a roller coaster!  I spent Saturday at my sister's house.  Her kids and I did a sour candy challenge, and you can watch it on the link below.

I have also had many beautiful conversations with family and friends this weekend.  Even some unexpected messages from loved ones who I thought were mad at me over my autobiography.  I had no idea that they had read my autobiography, or that they remembered things from my childhood.  It always makes me tear up to hear stories of my small cousins witnessing the verbal & physical abuse I endured.  I feel my autobiography might bring healing to people I never considered.  This is also another lesson in assumptions.

Today I was told that Alexandria wasn't invited to a family event because Ashley is there, and they assumed I would come with Alexandria if she were invited.  Ashley’s behavior has divided the family.  These are moments I want to tell a few folks to enjoy reaping from those nasty seeds they sow because God notices everyone they plant!  I have made amends with God, and I talk to him daily.  I know he encourages love and peace.  He is a God of truth!  I do not intertwin myself in the organized religions or cults, so the false guilt over things I had no part in does not influence my behavior anymore!  I am trying to remain calm and not let Ashley's drama upset me.  It is so pathetic and uncalled for, especially now that she is calling her stepmom ”mom” and embraced her biological father again.  She has no right to think she controls anyone else’s life!

Anyway, onto happier moments.  I had a good conversation with grandma Jody, so it clarified that she was more worried about Alexandria having the baby on the boat.  I am so glad because I don’t want my kids punished because of their sibling's selfishness. I have to laugh because this was another lesson in assuming the worst.

Jackson is back home, and Janna brought cookies for memorial day.  It is too hot for me today, so I am going to stay inside and relax.  It is a very emotional day for me.

Much Love



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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

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