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Dark Days

I got a letter in the mail, and in a nutshell, I will no longer have a caregiver.  I feel serious depression coming on with fear and anxiety.  Hopefully, I get to talk to my counselor tomorrow because I fear I will lose any independence I have once she stops coming every day.  Losing my vehicle then giving up my apartment to live with my daughter took 99% of my independence.   Now I will be trapped unable to go anywhere unless David or Alexandria takes me.  I do not live close to any friends, so my sister was the only way I had to get out away from the house.  I happen to think if you're with people 24/7 that you occasionally need a break.  Even in the house, I find it hard to get a minute of alone time.  Sometimes it feels like this is going to turn into residential confinement.  I love being a grandma, and I love my grandchildren, but I yearn for my freedom.  I already have a difficult time going anywhere due to my disabilities, but with summer coming, the only fun I have is swimming.  I guess I won't be doing that this year either.  I am sorry that this blog is dreary, but I am having a dark day.

Much Love

Tina


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