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I can’t sleep

I am wide awake at 12:55 am.  So much is on my mind, but communication is still at the forefront.  It has always been fascinating to me how humans communicate with one another.  We love to watch each other interact on television and videos now more than ever, but we still have significant problems when it comes to relationships.  I find myself screaming at the tv, “just tell them,” when couples play hide and seek with their heart.  I don’t understand why we hold back how we feel when life is so short.  I mean, think about it...we might have 70-100 years on this earth to love, marry, raise children and retire.  I know it might seem like forever when your young, but I am now 42 years old, so I refuse to waste any time playing games or living under assumptions.

Not long ago, I had an excruciating face to face conversation with someone I love very much.  I said how I felt from my heart, and he told me how he felt.  I thought I had closure until yesterday when I opened my files and seen messages he sent me just days before the breakup.  So if you are dating someone, please do the universe a huge favor and always be honest.  You and only you know how you are feeling, and there is no logical reason to pretend to feel something that you don’t.  I have hurt for over nine months because this happened to me, and my brain doesn’t help me out when it randomly hits replay on those memories.

No one in my life has any symphony for me either because their viewpoint on the situation is harsh and irrational.  Love is not something you can turn on and off like the television.  Relationships, bonds, and experiences are not like the movies.  Real-life is much less dramatic, but we humans can't seem to figure it out.  I tell myself that tomorrow is a new day and I will try to heal more with each passing day.  It is not easy, so if you have a friend or family member going through heartache, please be patient.  There is no set time limit on healing a broken heart.

May you have a blessed day

Tina

Make sure to keep safe and wear your mask.

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We have to stop meeting like this....

Tonight I talked to myself.  I said,” self, why do you feel the way you do?”  Then I said,” self, we have to stop meeting like this because it's one o'clock in the morning”!  I laughed because regardless of the predicament I find myself in, sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do. Have you ever had a random thought and wondered, “why did I think about that?.  I try to ignore my random thoughts and feelings, but sometimes they just come out when I least expect it. Example 1 ~ When I forget to take my medication, I feel everything.  The depression, sadness, and pain flood in, and all I can do is cry myself to sleep. Example 2 ~ I was watching season three of Anne with an E tonight, and it hit me.  I was crying and feeling very sad.  I should be happy because it was a beautiful ending. However, my mind was thinking about how they loved each other in their youth and found each other again. Right now, in my life, love songs and anything sappy makes me cry.

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Beauty in the chaos

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells of wood burning flo