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Optimistic until I’m not

First, I need to say I was wrong in assuming Scott had lied to me. We had a conversation this morning, and I had the incorrect email address.  After our discussion, I started thinking about why we assume anything in life.

I try every day to be optimistic, but I am a natural empath.  The State of Tennessee Department of Mental Health trained me to take care of patients confined to a bed with zero verbal skills.  I had to learn the person and know what they needed just by their facial expressions, and body language.  I can often look at someone and understand how they are feeling within seconds.  It can be a bad ability to have because people like their privacy.  Being a human lie detector is not always fun.

Now let's add those abilities to years of child abuse and broken relationships where people lied and cheated.  It makes for a hot mess, especially when I love someone.  I yearn to trust someone, and I am optimistic at the beginning of any relationship.  I give people the benefit of the doubt and make every effort to trust.  Social media makes this more manageable because I can not see or hear the person, so all I have is their word.  It also makes it easier for a person to hurt me.  I lose connection with my “gut feeling” when texting a person.

I try not to assume anything about anyone, but there is another factor in the communication circle.  Often when you talk with a friend, family member, or counselor about a situation, they plant seeds of assumptions.  Many times these assumptions are the worst-case scenario.  They are based on personal experience with that individual or with someone who had a similar track record or trait.  We all have these, and if we have exhibited the same behavior to a few people, sometimes they get together and swap notes.  Is it fair?  Is it accurate?  Not all the time.  However, it can keep you safe if someone is a compulsive liar, cheat, criminal or sex offender.

My best advice is never to assume anything.  If you want to know something, then straight out, ask a person.  Sometimes it is a simple mistake or miscommunication.  My assumption was the difference between 09 and 2009 in a email address.

Most likely, I entered the email into google wrong.  I should have just confirmed his email address.

Much Love,

Tina




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