Sitting in my Chair

Today my son is going to marry a good woman.  Lauren has become the heart of the family.  Her love is beyond anything I could have ever hoped for my son!  I have a new daughter and beautiful addition to my family.  I feel truly blessed today!   Much Love  Tina

Good  Morning and Happy Thanksgiving.  I am here in Cookeville visiting my family.  We had our dinner yesterday because my sister had to work today.  I have had so much fun with my nieces and nephews, so I should be happy and thankful...right?  I am sad to report that I am depressed.  I miss David so much and I know he would want me to be happy, but I want to run home and lock out the world.  I hate for people to see me cry especially when they are having a good time.   Well, I have to cheer up because my son is getting married on December 1, 2021, to an amazing young woman who has become a daughter to me.  It will be another reminder that I am alone but my niece offered to be my plus one and she is so excited.   On the dating scene, I am about to give up.  I have spoken to more men than I ever wanted to and the dates have been horrible.  I have a story to write about it, but it just keeps getting worse.  I fell ...

I haven’t written much lately because I’ve been dealing with some pretty dark feelings.  October 7 was a year since we lost David and I made the trip with his ashes to Hot Springs alone.  People talk about being lonely but this is beyond loneliness.  I feel like part of me is gone forever and I don’t know what to do.  I get up each day and I try, but it never gets easier.   I thought I would update you on my love life because dating is ridiculous in 2021.  Nicholas and I broke up.  Scott aka Kirk came back into my life but he left as quickly as he arrived proving that David was right about him!  Even as a friend he is and will always be a user!   I have been dating some but nothing serious.  I tend to focus most of my time on my grandchildren, and most men are not grandpa material.  Christopher and I remain close friends as he is the best friend a girl could have in this insane world.   Today I got a contract sent to me for my ...

I have to say that I am shocked by Nick’s reaction to my blog.  He was upset and took a 24-hour break from talking to me but then...he talked. That's right. He didn't run. He didn't blame me. He talked and I listened.  I think I may have found a safe place for my heart, mind, body, and soul.  We are dating now which is a new concept for us both.  Freewill can be a beautiful thing.  Monday evening I met him at the same pilot truck stop but this time we exchanged  “I miss you” and “let's not fight anymore”.  Communication is still the key to a healthy relationship.     I am a woman who knows what she wants.  It has taken me awhile to get here, but I am certain it is a man who holds my cherished core values.  I can laugh with Nick and disagree with him.  He isn't spooked.  So next time you want to throw in the towel I suggest you write your significant other a letter.  They might just surprise you!  Much Love Ti...

Looks fade, sexual desire fades but how someone treats you never fades. 

I have been beside myself with worry since I learned that Ashley, Matthew, Ellie, and Elijah have covid-19.  Then Ashley had an ER visit but they sent her home.  Janna messaged me that Ellie had RSV and Covid so I haven't slept much.  I continue to light candles and pray.  I want to wrap my arms around them and be there when they need a sip of water or a warm blanket.  Yesterday I was sent a picture of Ashley in the ER and I had a total meltdown.  It looked just like the pictures David sent me.  She had on the B-pap which isn't a good sign.  I feel so helpless because there is nothing I can do.  I want to be there and hold her while she sleeps.  I know she is a grown woman but she will always be my baby!!!!  Matthew 17:17 & 18  Then Jesus answered and said, O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him hither to me.  18) And Jesus rebuked the devil, and he dep...

As a writer, I have always lived by the philosophy that if people wanted you to write warmly about them then they should behave warmly.  However, sometimes writing about my personal experiences can be daunting.  I want to share the good, bad, and ugly with you so you can know the whole story, but some parts of the story are best left unspoken.   Here is my part of the story... I started talking to Nick through Facebook dating on July 25, 2021.  Over the last month I allowed things to flow naturally.  I let him into my life and gave him complete trust and access to my heart.  I let my guard down.  From July 25th to August 25th Nick had all of me.  I refused to let others' past transgressions spill into this new relationship.  We were exchanging "I love you's" and we became intimate within the first week. We were talking about marriage and babies too. I know you're probably thinking we were insane, but everything felt right.  We laughed an...

My first bit of bad news is that I have several projects in the works but I can't afford to publish them.   I had a bad week overall with my health and I broke up with my boyfriend.  We are still talking but it is not the same as it was before I ended it.  Of course, he doesn't feel he did anything wrong, but I remember how it felt being the worried girlfriend at home.  I thought I could handle it but now I know truly how difficult it will be to be alone all the time.  He continues to tell me that he told me his plans that night, but I honestly do not remember him telling me.   I am not trying to be belligerent but hell fire it is hard enough dating a truck driver who is home maybe 30 days a year!  We just started our relationship so I am trying to keep up while handling MS fog.  Yes, I am venting here so do not take anything I say as advice.  Dating in 2021 is hard, not to mention dating after being married for over two decades.  I...

Hey, fans let's just say I didn't let my last dating fiasco keep me down.  I met a man named Nicolas Adair.  I packed my bags, and he took me over the road in his semi.  It was an exciting adventure.  Nick is a tall, dark-headed man with beautiful brown eyes.  To say that I am in love is an understatement.  The man has so much knowledge and can hold his own in any conversation.  We talked for hours and hours about anything and everything.  I got to visit Kentucky, Indiana, and Illinois.  The only downside to being on the truck is not having a toilet exactly when you want one and the bed is a little small.  However, being with Nick out on the open road made me so happy.  His dog Max is a love bug and very protective.   One night while Nick was sleeping I was upfront reading when I looked over to see a driver pouring out something from a large container.  It was one of those times I wish I had not let something catch my...

Ladies I am working on a story about dating, but I had to pause today and write this blog!   I must tell you that if you live in Huntsville, Tennessee please avoid a man named Adam Lee Lambert.  He is on Facebook dating seeking disabled women.  He tells a story about having serious car accidents and cancer.  He claims to have run out of his pain medicine and attempts to guilt you into loaning him some of your medicine until he gets his refill.  DO NOT EVER DO THIS!!  It is a FELONY!  Then out of the blue he will send money to your cash app and claim he bought them from you.  Before you know it he is trying to blackmail you.    I have reported him to the TBI, Tenncare, and his doctor.  I have spoken to the local police in Wartburg.     I always share the good, bad and ugly in my blog post but this is different.  I want to protect women from this awful man.  He has sent me messages on my phone and Faceboo...

Relationships are so complicated these days.  I have run into men who want to have sex but don’t want to get to know you.  They want to see your body naked but showing them your mind is off-limits.  It is so frustrating.  Some guys have asked me for nudes while others say it makes you a slut.  Those same men freely send unsolicited dick pictures to women they have never met. Ladies my best advice is to stop giving yourself away to these immature boys.  Love yourself enough to be patient and wait.  There are good men in the world who will protect your heart instead of breaking it.  I am having to take my advice here because since the funeral my philosophy changed.  Until you have an event in your life like death I don’t think you think about it.  Time isn’t running out until it does.  So this week I am learning patience.  I pray all is well with you.  Much Love  Tina Louise

  The weather is beautiful here in Wartburg and my tomatoes are turning red.  As the winds blow a cool breeze off the hills I met someone unexpectedly and I pray my days of dating are over.  I am going to wait a while before I share him with the world because he is one in a million!  He likes me just the way I am.  Do you know how rare that is these days?  My family is doing good and I even got word that my dad is doing good.  I pray for them daily and hope to see them all soon.   Alexandria let me keep the baby so I have now done everything I used to do with David all by myself.  I sure miss him, this Father's Day was another reminder that he is gone.  We all grow differently and I personally always thought I needed someone to survive but I just needed to find myself.  I didn't need a prince charming.  After being completely on my own I eventually found self-reflection works for me.   I also found good doctors who took th...

I had a beautiful time camping with my son and grandson!  I recommend staying at the Rock Creek Campgrounds down by Nemo bridge.   Later on Sunday night, my son told me that my ex and his new wife made an unexpected visit to his music store.  Austin said he left because he has nothing to say to him.  When he was finished talking, I could feel my blood started boiling!   I could not believe that Ashley continues to do things to hurt her family.  She is making friends with the man who molested her and her sister!  She is inviting him to her home and allowing him to be around my grandchildren.  What the fuck is wrong with my child!  It’s one thing to find your biological parent and form a relationship with him, but it’s another thing to kiss the ass of your adoptive father, who is also a pedophile!  She is trying to destroy all her relationships with the people who loved her all of her life. Not only did she accuse me of bashing her head in...

  Anything I try is not sponsored.  Today I am reviewing the IL MAKIAGE to makeup line.  My eyes are very swollen and itchy after using concealer.  The brush that they sent is no better than the one I can get at the dollar tree, and the eyeliner is a cheaper version of LimeLife.  The foundation is not full coverage, and it looks nothing like the videos I have seen on Facebook.  It also has a weird odor that reminds me of paint—the concealer applicator gets stuck...  I’d much rather go to Walgreens and get Maybelline than pay $72 for IL MAKIAGE.   After two days, I am printing the label and sending it back.  I’m very disappointed in this company because I was so excited when it first arrived.  My reviews are candid, but I always welcome people to try it themselves.   Much Love Tina Louise 

  I was sitting here having a nice glass of sweet tea when it hit me.  Being a single mom was hard, but the hurt I feel about the absent parents in my life have never been about child support.  No!  I had to do everything on my own.  Money will never undo the pain a mother feels when she looks at her children when they are disappointed.  I mean, there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it because you can’t control the other parent!  It’s unfortunate too because the absent parent goes on about their life expecting someone else to do their job!  Then when you remarry, and your spouse fulfills that role as a stepparent, they get zero respect from the absent parent. I was a stepmom, so not only was I a single mom to my kids I was also a single mom to a stepchild.   If you are going to have unprotected sex, please be prepared to raise your children!  Don't expect the other parent to do it all alone!  I must say I am super proud of my ...

Hey readers!! I am living a busy life now up here in the mountains. Living with Multiple Sclerosis and living independently is no easy task, but I am thriving! I am so sorry that I forget to update you! I have spent the last 43 days unpacking, exploring, grieving, and falling in love! Remember, you can always check out my social media on Facebook, TikTok, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat. I promise I am finished with my second book, but right now, I don't have much time to promote it.   Today is Mother's Day! I had a fabulous meal with Austin, Lauren, and Alexandria the other night! I also got some much-needed grandma time with Jackson, Kai, and Jeremiah! Christopher enjoyed family time, and the kids were so kind to him.   I can now tell you a little about my Christopher. He has worked the same job for 20 years, and he has never been married or had children. He is also a filmmaker, producer, and photographer. He is probably the nicest man I have ever met, and he has ...

        I am 100% moved away from anyone I have ever known.  My new peace and sanity with beautiful mountain views come with minimal internet service, but I am happy!  Hannah and I are settling in a while exploring the town.  The song “Moving On” by Rascal Flatts fits me perfectly right now.  Everything I owned in storage and from my daughters and sisters arrived yesterday.   I can no longer be falsely accused of anything.  I am completely disconnected from Ashley and the craziness.  Brian got what he wanted, so maybe now I will have a life free of emotional abuse.  This is the last time I will even speak their names in my blog!  I do pray they start taking responsibility for their actions and keep my name out of their mouth!   On to happy news!  I love my apartment!  Hannah is doing great!  Christopher is fantastic, and our relationship is more vital than I could have ever imagined!  Alexandria an...

  I went to court, and the judge awarded Ashley the Order of Protection.  He also informed her that she has no control over what I post on social media especially pictures of my grandchildren.  She might hate me and desire to be cruel to me, but she can not take away the fact I am her mother, and I am Grandma!  She can't Erase the past eleven years.  I have been a grandma since 2010 when Brayden was born.  She can't erase all the diapers I have changed, bottles I fed, hugs and kisses I gave, or the love in my heart!  She can't win the love from her biological father by doing his dirty work! Tuesday morning was terrible, but my son took me to lunch and offered me a part-time job. I was beaming with joy! I worked yesterday, and it was as though I never left.  The intense pressure from my dad was absent, and I had zero anxiety!  I got a call from Adult Services because someone made a report on my daughters.  Now I gave a caseworker who is...

We call Multiple Sclerosis a snowflake disease because the symptoms constantly change.  It has no cure, and no one can explain the why of the disease.   I remember the day like it was yesterday.  On January 11, 2017, Dr. Gaw, after many tests, told me I had Multiple Sclerosis.  If I sound like a broken record, many people are just now getting diagnosed today, and I want them to know that they are not alone.   You might have someone in your life sitting in a quiet doctor's office waiting on test results.  They are going to need you now more than ever.  Navigating a disease that is so unpredictable can take its toll on a person.  They need all the love and support that you can muster.   Much Love, Tina Louise

  Good is an understatement!  I am on cloud nine and enjoying every single minute!  Christopher and I celebrated Charlie and Jackson's birthday, indulged in ice cream, camped in the backyard, and got our first shots of the new vaccine!  I got to spend the day with Kai and visit with Jerimiah too!  He is getting so big now.  Ashley Land had another beautiful baby girl, and I got to hold her at the party.  Kids grow up so fast :( I have almost finished my screenplay for Cabin 10, and soon I will publish my second book.  I am back focusing on my work when my health allows. This week's big news is that I sat down with detective Duke and now every aspect of abuse from my childhood was reported to the police.  All the criminal activity I saw as a teenager is officially in a police report.  I feel 100% better knowing I am closing that chapter of my life!   I am looking forward to the future, trying to ignore the negative!  What negati...

I can't believe David has been gone 148 today.  I also can't think I've been so busy that I haven't blogged in 40 days.   The big news is I decided to go to the police in Sparta.  It might not lead to charges, but I will finally close that chapter of my life.  I have already been in contact with them, so I pray everything goes smoothly.  I recently moved in with my sister to get some peace in my life.  I am taking it one day at a time and even one hour at a time on bad days.  God put me back in touch with everyone who ever knew me.  If the police do prosecute my step-uncle or dad, I have more than enough witnesses to verify my story.  I am ready to speak to the masses and help those who live in fear.   Life is good and I am so thankful that I was able to survive the last 43 years.  Watching my grandchildren is the ultimate blessing.   Much Love, Tina Louise Kirby 

Last night I went on my very first official date.   The man asked me to go to dinner, handed me flowers at the beginning of the date, and gave me a soft kiss good night after a great evening!   All the simple things that mean so much I never got to experience them without an expectation of sex.  Child Abuse robs you of almost everything.  It is like you almost become a robot and you go through life doing like you know you have to do to survive.  well last night I got to live in the moment and it was so nicee!   Men don’t properly date women much anymore, but I made my mama promise that this time things were going to be different!   Back to the date :)  We went to Grinder House, and I ordered my favorite coffee.  We had dinner, and the music was excellent. It was a special treat just to hear live music!   After 2020 I didn't think we would ever get to go to concerts again.  The Band “Towne” was something out of the Bluebird or the Op...

I have spent my days crying and praying.  All my thoughts and feelings have been racing.  I had searched my soul.  I was determined to wait for Scott.  I wasn’t going to give up on him.  I wrote him letters only for him to block all avenues of communication.  Empathy made me blind.  My heart and brain are finally in sync!  I see that no matter what I say or do, Scott isn’t the man God meant to love me.  When you love someone the way I loved Scott and David, it can be so painful to let go.  You want to see the man they can be, and you highlight the positives while ignoring the negative.  **** the days of being cheated on!  I am worth more, and I finally see that.  I am not talking bad about David because he has paid for his sins, but the scars he left hurt me for years.   My fairytale is coming true but with a real prince.   I have met someone.  I am keeping our relationship all to myself for as long as I can...

Being alone gives your mind so much time to wonder.  Today was hard because I met David 23 years ago today.   On Facebook, I wrote this “ Life is so short.  Other than a few close family and friends, life seems so meaningless to me now.  I find myself turning to tell him something, and he isn’t there.  I even went to text him a picture of Jackson being cute, and it hit me.  I often ask myself, “what now?”.  My person is gone.  That is the ugly side of grief that hurts the most.  It is instant loneliness.  It is as though the writer abruptly ended the book without finishing the story.  In one single second, my entire life changed forever.  Don’t take your loved ones for granted.  You never know what tomorrow may bring!” If you have been following my story, then you know 2020 was the worst year of my life.  2019 was the runner up!  It is 2:06 in the morning, and I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.  I ...