Sitting in my Chair

First, I want to congratulate my baby sister, who moved into her first new home with her husband and children today!  It was fantastic to get some good news, especially in our family!   2020 has been a challenging year for everybody, so it’s tough for me to be excited about the new year.  I miss David more and more each day.  The news is grim, so I try to avoid it.  Most days, I escape into a YouTube video or one of my little games on my phone.   On Christmas Eve, I fell on the ice at my sister's house, and I broke my wrist and a few ribs.  The hospital put a temporary cast on it, and yesterday I got to see the orthopedic doctor.  He said I was fortunate because I broke my radius, but it was a clean break, and it was flush, so it’s growing back together correctly.  I was just happy that I don’t have to have surgery!   Over the past week, I’ve made peace with many people and given a lot of forgiveness, but I still haven’t talked to my fat...

I don't know where to start.  I know I get judged everytime I write something by people who have no right to judge.  However, I am not here for them!  I am here for myself and those struggling to navigate life.  It's been 78 days since Dave passed away.  Life has been one hot mess in 2020, but hold on it gets better with each passing day!   I can add another disappointment to my journal.  His name is David Jason Denton.  We went to Elementary school together and he was in a hard spot so I did what I always do.  I helped him out.  However this time I seen all the signs early on so to the left he went!  I think at this point in my life, I have realized so many things about relationships.  I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have a successful one, with a person that lies.   My birthday was magical because I made new friends and got to spend time with my son.  It’s Christmas Eve and I can’t sleep.  Me and Jack Daniels...

Well, HELLO :) Here is an update on the financial situation.   So much has happened since I last wrote.  Currently, I am living back with my youngest daughter in Crossville.   We raised $1,400 on GoFundMe for David’s funeral.  From those funds, $900 was from David’s former employer, and the rest was from my friends and family.  David had filed disability a year before his death, so his attorney said our daughter might get the back pay owed to him if it is approved.  Then we found out the back payment will have to be split between all his children, and it would be January or February of 2021 before we will even know.  It’s not right, but it’s the law in Tennessee.  I had already taken down the GoFundMe because I thought I would be able to pay it off.  So I told the funeral home I would pay $150 a month for now.   If you would like to help, I have Venmo, Cash App, and PayPal, which charge much less compared to GoFundMe.  GoFundMe take...

I can’t believe David has been gone for five weeks and two days.  I am safe sleeping on my sister's couch!  My baby sister and her husband are buying their first home, so right after Christmas, we will be moving.  I am so excited for them, but I can’t help think we won’t be in the house where David visited anymore. I miss him so much.  I am reading a book by Kim Murdock titled “Feeling Left Behind.”   It is helping me grieve, which is a never-ending roller coaster of emotion.  My friends on TikTok keep me laughing when I feel like dying.  I know moving will help me as it will be a fresh start.  I put on David's 2x Florida Gators hoddie today, and I felt how much weight I have lost.  Sometimes I can't eat for nausea.  I am not a drinker, but I feel the need for some Jack Daniels.  I have gone to the storage building once, and I had a major anxiety attack.  Death sucks, and you have to take the emotions as they come, or you will ...

Someone asked me why do I share my “private struggles” with the world.  My simple answer is, “I might save a life.”  The longer answer is, “this is my platform; it is my safe place to share my journey.”  I am never as free as I am when I am writing.  I don't feel like I am walking on eggshells being judged by those on my friends list.  Sometimes I just need to get something off my chest so I can relax.  Other times I feel I have something important to say.   For years, I had invisible duck tape on my mouth, and if I dared to remove it, someone would call me down.  Now I have a place that I can be myself, and if someone doesn't like what I say, they can avoid my website.   I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is medical, or legal advice, but I do have experience in many things.  That is all I can share with any of you. Much Love Tina Louise 

What??? Yes, that was my exact response when Michael screamed at me.  On Halloween, Michael came in from visiting his children and unloaded on me for posting our relationship on social media.  He said he didn’t want his life on display.  Fire ran through my body as I loaded everything I owned in my car and left Sparta for good this time.  I have finished my second manuscript and don’t plan on hiding anymore from anyone.  I am so sick of being told who I should be and what I should do with my life by people older than me, who still don’t have their life together.  Tomorrow is a new day, and my baby sister always has my back. I am safe and warm tonight on her couch, and soon both our lives will change for the better.  Tonight Michael dared to message me, saying that I wasn’t doing enough to promote my book.  Writing my autobiography was never about money or 15 minutes of fame.  It is my story, and I walked through hell.  He doesn’t get to ...

It has been two weeks since I wrote, and my life has changed so much.  On October 20, 2020, I moved in with my high school sweetheart and his mom.  They live in a camper on the White/Dekalb County line.  The insurance company paid off my camper and gave me $1,900.00, so I bought Alexandria’s extra car and moved all my possessions to a climate-controlled storage.  It was time for me to go out in the world on my own because being in that bedroom alone brought about depression and, ultimately, suicidal thoughts.  Moving out and being around laughter has helped me so much.  My living conditions are not ideal for disabled persons but overall, my mental health is 100% better.  Alexandria picked me up on October 26, 2020, and I got to spend some time with the boys while she went to the doctor.  Austin is still in coronavirus quarantine, but he is doing much better.  Ashley called me a whore and blocked me on everything.  I really never know how...

QUALITY PRIVATE DUTY CARE of Jamestown, Tennessee neglected a patient who had COVID-19 and did not inform staff and did not provide PPE for the home. They ignored all alerts. My daughter unknowingly brought the virus home, and it killed my husband. My three-month-old grandson was also admitted into Children’s hospital. They do not take care of patients or staff. They have been rude to our family and refused to help with funeral expenses on 10-14-2020. Our family had avoided Coronavirus for nine months. We cleaned everything, wore a mask, and stayed at home. We sprayed alcohol on everything. Grocery pickup and Amazon was the only shopping we did for months. My husband and I lived with my daughter and her two sons. September 7, 2020, my daughter started working for Quality Private Care. She alerted her supervisor that her patient was sick. They ignored the alert. September 11, 2020 my daughter became sick and went to the Emergency Room. She tested positive for COVID-19 and st...

Coronavirus has kicked my butt!  My grandson was in the children’s hospital for two days, and now he is back home.  He tested positive for coronavirus, so we have slept much more than expected.  David still has a cough, but he got secondary pneumonia on top of all his other health problems.  Life at home isn't back to normal, but our quarantine is over tomorrow, so I pray we get out of the house some next week.  My favorite season is here, and the weather has been much cooler.  I pray I get to work again in the future, but right now, watching my grandsons use my spoons up every day.   I did hear through the grapevine that my dad and stepmom have been having dinner with Ashely.  I was also told Ashley spent father's day with her biological father.   I was pleased to get this news because it means everyone has gone on with their lives, and they are letting me live mine.  Months ago, I told you once everyone had their job outside of the mus...

What might you ask?  The evil coronavirus!  Yes, I have now tested positive!   I became very sick on August 18th, but all the tests came back negative.  Over the past few weeks, I have been a roller coaster of good days and bad days.  Then on September 7th, my daughter started working on home health with a new patient.  She told her boss that her patient showed signs of coronavirus, but they said it was just an ear infection.  On September 10, my daughter got sick, so she went to the ER.  On September 11, she got the call that her test was positive.  So she quarantined herself in her bedroom.  On September 12, David took out a three-month-old grandson to get tested for coronavirus.  Jax was already with his dad for his weekend visitation.  David and I quarantined ourselves in the bedroom with our three-month-old grandson.  All seemed to be going well, and then I started getting sick.  On September 16, David and I went...

Hello friends!   I can’t believe it’s been 16 days since I wrote.  I have been following #standwithsophie and #saveourchildren.  If you thought that #metoo opened the flood gates, just wait because Sophie Long broke the dam wide open!  She is the most courageous child filled with such strength.  Her father, Michael Long, posted a video of her standing up to her grandmother about how her mother had watched men sexually assault her.  She was screaming, “why don’t you believe me?.  From there, it has been mind-blowing.  You have corrupt judges, lawyers, and police, but today Michael was awarded custody of his children until the November court date.  Do you know what surprised me the most about this situation?  The mainstream media did not pick up the story.  However, Facebook, TikTok, Youtube, Twitter, and Instagram were flooded with videos and posts showing support for Sophie.  There is a GoFundMe to cover Michael’s legal fees. ...

Good Tuesday Morning, Readers!   We found the newspaper clip from my first book signing.  I am begging you if you have read my book, please give me a review on Google, Amazon, or on the site where you purchased it.  Sales have been awful, so any help is much appreciated.   This week I have been super sick, but I have recovered.  The doctor tested me for Coronavirus, Flu, Streptococcus, and other bacteria, but all the tests were negative.  I do believe the old fashioned cold has made a comeback!  Having autoimmune diseases makes the common cold a nightmare because of the fatigue.  I am already tired all the time, so this past week I was a zombie.  It has rained so much this week that I haven’t been able to get out and walk, which has been a bummer!  On the upside, I am alive, and the RNC kicked off yesterday!   Last night I had the worst fight with my daughter.  It is so hard to live with your adult child while they are raising ...

Out of the blue I started having a little cough.  It got painful Monday night.  This morning I woke up and I could not breathe good.  So I went to my family doctor (he has an isolation room).   He did a nose swab but he said he didn’t have to go all the way back and really felt those test had too many false positives and false negatives.  He said this test would check for several things including coronavirus.  I do not have a fever and my lung xrays were all clear so he sent me home with horse pills.  I do believe folks have forgotten about the regular illnesses because of the coronavirus.  I feel like I have been drugged and beaten with a ball bat.  Yes, I had the flu shot.....So here is a reminder.  WASH YOUR HANDS!  If your sick (yes average sick) pretty, please stay home.  I had my mask on Monday at the MRI, so I pray no one catches what I got.  I am hereby staying home unless it is medically necessary that I leave. ...

I apologize that it has been weeks since I wrote, but life has been busy.  Jackson started school, Alexandria went to work, and I spend my days with Baby Jeremiah.  Grandpa and I take turns feeding him and changing diapers, but it still takes more energy than we have most days.  By 6:00pm we are exhausted but I catch my second win as Jackson gets home so full of life and energy.    I have an update on Ashley.  She FaceTimed me, and today she brought the kids to Kai’s birthday party.  We are civil, and I make every effort to be positive and simply enjoy my grandchildren.   I am continuing to lose weight, so I am thrilled about that, and this weekend I trimmed my hair, dyed it back to my natural color, waxed my face, and got a new color for my dip nails.  It has been a year now since I went to a nail or beauty salon.   I honestly don’t remember the last time I sat in a restaurant and ate a meal.  99% of our meals are made at home, and...

So yesterday morning, Amerigroup calls and my Choices was reinstated.  I was blown away until my new care coordinator called and said TennCare decided not to unenroll anyone during the COVID pandemic.  I said, so once the virus is over, I will have to go through this again?  He said probably so I said NO THANK YOU! My sister already has a job that she starts in a few weeks, and I have already begun to do everything for myself other than driving.  I might be slow and eat a ton of watermelon, but I am just fine!  I honestly think the insurance is afraid of a lawsuit because they discriminated against me when they set requirements that I could never meet for their program. My life is good and peaceful.  I have enough to worry about taking care of my health problems.  On good days I do all I can to be a mom, grandma, and friend.  The whole court battle put stress on me that I did not need. I won't go through that again! The doctors have told me ...

Since I was a teenager, I have been educated to the ins and outs of child custody and divorce.  I am 42 years old, and I have four divorces under my belt.  However, today I felt deep sadness when my baby girl handed me her final divorce papers.  I never wanted my children to experience divorce!  They had been through enough of it growing up.  Not only do I feel like a failure as a wife, but also as a mom.  I feel like I didn’t equip them with the tools they needed to find a faithful spouse or the tools they would need to weather the storms.  I know it isn’t my fault, but the guilt still creeps in when these things happen to your children. My mother, sister, and I talked about how we felt tremendous failure during and after our divorces.  I do pray my daughter doesn’t feel like a failure because she tried many times to make it work.  Sometimes it is the only way out of a toxic situation.  My son filed his last week, so it is a double...

Early voting started Friday, so I went to town and voted in the States Primary.  It was a peaceful drive, and then Friday night, we watched the movie 2012. There are so many theories and conspiracies floating around online that the movie made me think about all of them. My thoughts quickly turn to religion and how none of us know when our lives will end. Humanity has gotten it wrong, so many times, and religious leaders continue to attempt to guess, but even the Bible says no one knows. One thing that I know for sure is the earth is a breathtaking place, and I continue to find small glimpses of its beauty amidst the chaos.  Just yesterday, we went to Fall Creek Falls State Park, and I took a dip in the cold water. Families and children were everywhere, laughing and playing.  You would never think that the USA is in an uproar. I saw no signs of social distancing or a pandemic.  I didn't see any mask.  Men were walking their dogs, and the beautiful smells...

Yesterday was a relaxing day at home.  Today was bittersweet because it was my sister’s last day as my caregiver.  She brought baby tigger for a visit, and when Alexandria finishes school, I will be able to have cats again.  For now, I am living with her and being her live-in nanny.  She is working and going to school.  I am content with my current life choices, but I miss having a cat!!!!! I don’t know how to explain it, but I sat out on the porch in the sun today, and I felt free.  Free of the past.  Free of the worry and stress from closing the music stores.  I am no longer financially responsible for anyone but myself.  I am free from the religious cult.  Free from my dad’s abuse and free from the guilt laid upon me by Ashley for being disabled. Now I simply responsible for me, and I am good enough for myself.  I feel I have time in my life now for myself, which is not something I am used to having.  I have been working...

Meh...That sums up most people’s view of the current world events.  I can’t say that I blame them because the news and social media are a regurgitation of the same thing every day except they add to the virus numbers. On July 8, 2020, I volunteered at the Republican Headquarters, which was a fantastic experience!  Then July 10, 2020, I had surgery to remove some painful lipomas from my abdominal area.  I am healing up good, but I popped a stitch last night.  Grandpa came to my rescue and helped me to get the bleeding to stop, and Alexandria put new steri-strips on wounds when she got home. My depression continues to deepen because Ashley refuses to let me visit with my grandchild.  It has been seven months since I saw Ellie or Elijah.  I love being a grandma more than life itself, so this is possibly the cruelest thing she has ever done to me. My sisters (aka my caregivers) last day is Wednesday.  Thank you, TennCare, for determining that I need ...

Time seems to fly by these days.  Over the last ten days, my life has been consumed with grandchildren, diapers, major fatigue, and leg cramps.  June 26th & 27th, I went up to Renegade Mountain to take photos then Janna took pictures of me on the railroad tracks.  Monday I had my telephone appointment with my counselor, Wednesday I went to my monthly appointment in Jamestown to see Dr. Clark, but we came straight back home.  Friday, I went to Cookeville to visit my cat and son.  Austin's hand is healing up nicely. Yesterday I managed to go outside while my mom visited and I rode to town to watch the firework, but I still haven't left my bed much.  The heat is my enemy, and I can't wait for Fall.  I can melt ice packs in an hour if I am sitting in the sun or riding in the truck because the truck doesn't have AC. I have two projects that need finished...my fans t-shirt and my second manuscript.  I have time, but someone seems to need me anytim...

Good Morning readers.  I will be busy this week helping my daughter with college tasks.  I promise I am almost finished with my next book.  I know I was going to have it completed by December and then May, but life keeps getting in the way.  Living with disabilities is like riding a rollercoaster every day.  I continue to talk to people via social media while I am lying in bed.  Lately, I even find it hard to keep up with my blog.  When I work on the book, it requires that I get up and lately that that been almost impossible. Yesterday I had my mental health appointment, and it went very well.  My doctor seemed pleased that I stood up for myself with Ashley instead of turning it inward, leading to more depression.  I love all of my children, but I am going to keep a safe distance from the drama right now.  Imagine me sitting in a room being yelled at and reminded of all my mistakes in my life.  That is what Ashley does to me....

I am asking all Americans to pick one item below and dedicate one hour a week to helping in your community.  One hour can change someone's life. 1. Advocate to change laws, rules or policies within your workplace to better the community 2. Homelessness especially children & veterans 3. Poverty- provide information for services 4. Hunger - Cook a meal for homeless 5. Transportation to the doctor, grocery, pharmacy, work, or church. 6. Employment- Share Opportunities with the community 7. Troubled Youth- Mentor Youth 8. Accompany a domestic violence or abuse victim to a court hearing 9. Be a listener to someone who is struggling with Mental Illness 10. Transportation to Addiction Recovery Groups Always remember if you see something, please say something. Many times word of mouth in a community can get those in need some assistance.  I think of we all listen less to the news and pay attention to our immediate surroundings; then, we can genuinely help one another...

Wow, it's been a crazy eight days here on the Mountain. I have been in bed sick for the majority of it. This past Friday, I had the MRI on my knee and X-rays on my hip. Hopefully, those test results will be back tomorrow. I have tried to avoid the outside world and keep to my little bubble at home, but the news gets worse every day. This morning I heard of more murders last night.  I just don't understand all the hostility. Saturday, Austin and Lauren came to visit, and they got David a new grill for Father's Day! We all sat outside and grilled hamburgers. They brought Kai and man has he grown! He is so loving and follows Jackson around like his best buddy. Kai looks like the perfect football all player when he runs. He was so excited to see the baby too. Tyler even came to visit, so we had dinner as a family. I hear from Jessica and CJ almost every day via Snapchat. I sure hope we get to visit soon and meet Chloe! Jeremiah is growing like a weed, and Jackson talks...

I awakened today to a silent house.  Alexandria was visiting Tyler's family with the new baby, and David was in Cookeville, helping our son for the day.  His hand is out of commission, so having his dad to help give him time to rest. No one came to visit, not one phone call or even a message today.  So, it felt like a mini-vacation.  I don’t have much energy, so I did right to make it back forth to the restroom. I swear at one point my dog rolled her eyes at me as I cursed the Lasix the kidney doctor put me on.  I have grown to hate the bathroom.  Sometimes when I tell my grandson that I will be right back that I am going to the restroom, he says, “again.”   (haha haha). Laughter is excellent medicine, and lately, that is all I have, or else I will curl up and cry. Enough about my bathroom habits... Have you watched the news?  It is insane that the people are becoming the monsters they claim to hate.  It is so confusing and contradictor...

Wednesday, Austin called, and he had a horrible work accident.  A bolt went through his hand.  It looked awful.  David went and sat with him at the hospital while I sat with Jackson.  It was super scary, and the hospital was packed, so they waited for five hours.  Finally, they stitched his hand.  He got seven stitches.  I don’t care how old the kids get, when a call comes in that they are hurt, a momma prays and worries until they see their child is ok. I went to the doctor yesterday, and he ordered an MRI of my left knee and hip.  The pain has gotten so bad my quality of life consists of lying in bed.  I don't even have it in me to sit outside.  On top of that, I have a UTI.  The majority of urinary tract infections (UTIs) are caused by the bacterium Escherichia coli (E. Coli), usually found in the digestive system.  However, mine is caused by urinary retention due to Multiple Sclerosis.  My bladder does not empty all ...

Today was like any other day, but I got a text from Janna that she is coming to get me Sunday to visit Ellie and Elijah.  Of course, I want to go, but I am confused.  Why do I have to go to my sisters to visit my grandchildren?  Why wasn’t David invited?  So many questions that I usually wouldn’t ask, but the more I grow, the less I tolerate irrational behavior in my life.  I don’t know why she has kept my grandchildren away from me for almost six months.  I don’t know why she told me in an email that I would never see them again.  Should I ignore it all and just enjoy a visit with my grandchildren?  I probably will because I miss them so much, but it is very confusing to me that she told my sister “baby steps” today.  I have never hurt my grandchildren, and anytime she attempts to argue, I walk away or leave the situation, so my grandchildren don’t have to see folks fight. Maybe one day I will understand what’s going on with my daughter, b...

Homelife is back to normal, except we now have a new family member!  Jeremiah has brought even more love into our hearts. Yesterday we went to Cookeville and visited grandma Jody, and Lauren brought Kai by to visit too.  Then we went to my sisters to play with my kitten for a little while.  After we got home, Trenton brought Lincoln over to play with Jackson.  It was nice visiting with an old friend and seeing how the once hyper young boy turned into a responsible adult.  I must say that out of all the guys Alexandria has dated over the years, Trenton is by far the best dad.  You can often tell by watching the kids play together if their parents interact with them at home. Today Janna came up and brought her kids to play with Jackson.  I went straight from the bed to my chair outside when I got up.   I knew if I stayed in bed that I would never get up.  It is a good thing that I did because I got a fresh watermelon for breakfast!  Al...

I haven't blogged much this week because I have a beautiful new grandson!  I am working on writing his mom's birth story as we had a tough week.  However, for now, we are all back home safe and sound enjoying every minute with Jeremiah. Born 5/26/2020, at 8:16 pm, Weight 6lbs 12 ounces, Height 20 inches, Head Circumference 14 inches.  Perfect and Beautiful!

On May 25, 2020,  an unarmed George  Floyd , an African-American man, age 46, was murdered after arrested on suspicion of passing a counterfeit $20 bill  by the police in Powderhorn,  a neighborhood south of downtown Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States of America .  Floyd was handcuffed and lying face down on a city street during an arrest.  Derek Chauvin, a Caucasian Minneapolis police officer , kept his knee on the right side of Floyd's neck for 8 minutes and 46 seconds; 2 minutes and 53 seconds of which occurred after Floyd became unresponsive, according to the criminal complaint filed against Chauvin.   Officers Tou Thao, J. Alexander Kueng, and Thomas K. Lane participated in Floyd's arrest, with Kueng holding Floyd's back, Lane holding his legs, and Thao looking on as he stood nearby.   All four murders (officers) were arrested as of 6/4/2020. First, I want to say that George's murder was horrific to watch.  There i...

First, I want to apologize if I ever religiously influenced you.  Spiritually I feel I have always been close to God, and I do not believe I ever influence anyone in a bad way on matters of God's love.  I have always felt Jesus died for me, and I gave my life to God many years ago when I was baptized. I do feel I was very wrong if I ever persuaded you to have anything to do with Jehovah’s Witnesses.  I am not only quoting William Bowen, but I have discovered that the JW organization is a pedophile paradise.  I have had the pleasure of talking with Romy Maple and watching hours of news reports.  I also watched the A & E special “Cults and Extreme Beliefs: Jehovah's Witnesses.”  Barbara Anderson and her husband lived and worked for years within the walls of the JW Headquarters.  I have read many lawsuits and complaints filed against men and women of the Jehovah’s Witnesses.   Any doubt that I had about religion has been confirmed. ...